MFOD #2, 3, 4

I've been through many episodes of MFOD in the past few months.

#2) Iktara from Wake up Sid
What a song!!

Main to kisiki hokay yeh bhi na jaani

Ruth hai ye do pal ki ya rahay gi sadaa

#3) Pankho ko from Rocket Singh
The presence of Ranbir Kapoor just makes everything exponentially better...fell for the guitar but the song's good too! (Credit to this post. Even though I saw the movie, it wasn't until reading that post that I actually listened to the song)

Dil ki patang chalnay ko dikhati hai

Dheel to do, dekho kahan pay jaati hai

Uljhay nahi toh kaisay suljho gay

Bikhray nahi toh kaisay nikhro gay

#4) Bol na halke halke from Jhoom Baraber Jhoom
I've liked this song since the movie came out (what a crappy movie, btw!). But I didn't download it until a few months ago, I think. Today, the television was randomly on and this song was the background music for promoting Rahat Fateh Ali Khan's upcoming concerts in the US of A and I just wanted to hear the rest of it. I opened my laptop, hit play on my iTunes and now it's on repeat. Rahat Fateh Ali Khan's voice is just phenomenal! Every song of his is worth listening to a hundred times, worth an episode of MFOD.

(There's also this stupid North American desi-store commercial that has Jashn-e-Bahara from Jodhaa Akbar playing in the background...always leaves me craving for the rest of the song)

Back to the books now! Four finals next week! Kill me now!

P.S. Can't wait for the return of Coke Studio to get some authentic Pakistani music back into my life! The music scene in Pakistan has been relatively dead lately or maybe I've been relatively disinterested.

2 + 2 = 22

For the past few weeks, I've been experiencing back pain. I think it's my body's way of telling me I'm getting old. And lo and behold, today I got older!

Up until 21, all birthdays were exciting, there was anticipation towards them. 20th was kinda iffy, leaving teenage but not really..hanging in the middle. But 21 held anticipation. I was legal in USA! (not that it mattered since I'd been legal in Canada for 3 years already...and didn't really put it to any use)

22 is such an ugly number. You'd think two of the same numbers would hold some intrigue for my math-minded brain, but no such luck. I don't like them together. They lack symmetry (if they were facing each other, they'd be symmetrical) I like symmetry.

22 also holds a lot of responsibility. I've finally left teenage forever...F-O-R-E-V-E-R! Now, I've to learn to use my money wisely(which I do already anyway), drive at an appropriate speed and be less headstrong and more compromising. Be more responsible.

I'm not quite ready to let go of teenage yet though. I'm not ready to change my driving habits or be more compromising.Or to be more responsible or less stubborn. I'm not ready to let go of any of it. But I guess no one's expecting me to change overnight. All these things will come with time, I hope.

To sum up my feelings, I'll quote Joey Tribbiani from F.R.I.E.N.D.S on aging:

"Why God WHY?! We had a deal!"

Happy Birthday to me! 

Damnnn (not in the sexy way)

Damn it Damn it DAMN it DAMN IT DAAAAMMMNNNN ITTTT!!!!!!

There will be some kind of sign telling me which path to choose, right?

It better be the one that leads me to the brightest, happiest future iA.

Please Allah miyan, make sure it leads to the bestest place!

A mention of your name by someone other than me and I feel happy (consequently, are you aware I'm happy at this mention or do you choose to ignore it?) But what if you're not the one I'm meant to be with? What if I'm wasting precious time and brain activity on this "maybe" thought? And what about my other options in my head? Is one of them the one?

The one I'm meant to be with better be the best option.

And I know exactly what is breeding these thoughts....stupid desi-dom! Stupid no-one-listening-to-me! Stupid other-people's-entertainment! Stupid stress-for-no-reason-but-stress-nonetheless!

Stupid, stupid, stupid everything

A day before two HUMONGOUS midterms

Please Allah miyan, if nothing else, let my mini-vacay plans work out! (but ideally make the rest of it work out even if vacay doesn't)

SIGH! DAMN IT!

Where's my Shahraam, yo?!

In the last 72 hours, I've finished sixteen 35-minute episodes of Meri Unsuni Kahani (my untold story). It's a HumTV drama directed by Baber Javaid starring Faisal Qureshi, Aijaz Aslam, Jugan Kazim and girl-I've-never-seen-before (character name Armeen). This drama really intrigued me.

The premise is girl, Armeen, and boy, Shahraam, best friends and on-and-off admit they love each other. Shahraam is a rich boy, weird family background, no interest in his future, since it's already set, just having a good time in University. Armeen's from a upper-ish-middle class family, a bit liberal and into family values. Enter Amar, Armeen's family friend, their new classmate, her parents' (secret) choice for her. Amar is a bit older than them and kinda uncle-ish but a perfect gentleman. Both Amar and Shahraam propose to Armeen around the same time.

Herein lies the dilemma I had always wondered about. If you had a best friend you were in love with and a perfect guy, who would you choose? Is love enough to conquer all of life's other obstacles? Is security and stability more important? Would you be able to fall in love with security or would you want to take the love you have and find financial security together?

I'm not a huge believer in love pre-marriage, as I've stated before. I have this weird belief that love requires co-habitation.  You can like someone before marriage and be compatible but living with that person is a different story altogether. So I'm not sure if I'd actually "fall in love" with a friend to be facing this dilemma. But I've never thought that love is the solution to all problems either. Financial security is very important in the times we live in. Love can't feed your stomachs.

Obviously, in the drama, they've shown that love is more important. But they have to sensationalize the whole issue...or else no one would watch. I'm not saying I don't believe in love. Of course I do. I am a girl afterall. A hopeless romantic underneath this practical facade; waiting for her Shahraam to come rescue her from her rut.

But I'm realistic too. I can't forever wait for Shahraam, he may never come. I have to keep my options open. Let the Amars of the world in too. I do think that even if you married for safety and security as opposed to love, the love will come. There will come a magical moment where love will dawn on your relationship. You'll grow to love this person as long as there is mutual trust and respect.

In all honesty, between my best friend and my parents' perfect choice, I'm not sure who I'd pick.

So, for now, to leaving my options open (while secretly waiting for my Shahraam)...

P.S. Isn't it weird that in desi entertainment it's always " I have to marry you" versus gora entertainment's "I have to be with you" Makes you wonder about the differences in societies

The disappointment that is MNIK

 I went to A LOT of trouble to go see My Name is Khan. Trying to plan the day, the showtime, the transport, while dealing with the worst academic week I've had since the beginning of University (1 final, 2 midterms, 1 seminar, 1 lab, 2 assignments). Come Friday the 12th, I was running on about an hour of sleep the night before with people to pick up and a long drive to the theatre to look forward to. Since the regular theatre that plays movies in this city decided to be a douche and not play this movie, I had to drive a half hour to get to the crappy theatre. Except it ended up taking about an hour to get there because there had been an accident and there was lots of traffic. So we got to the theatre about ten minutes late. Some stupid, effing girl working at the theatre told us the shows for the rest of the night had been sold out. So we decided to buy tickets to any movie and sneak into ours. Except the theatre guy watched us like a hawk. We wasted a half hour in another theatre waiting for him to leave. He finally did, we finally went in and lo and behold, the theatre was half empty! Stupid idiot of a girl!

Anyways, we missed the first 45 minutes (probably less) but it wasn't a total loss, the story was just beginning. I doubt we missed much. Up until intermission, the movie was pretty decent. I was looking forward to what would happen after. And then the movie began again and OMG! What a crappy movie! We pretty much laughed through most of the 2nd half. First, there was about a million desi, muslim characters that none of us could keep straight. We couldn't figure out if the shopkeeper was the same as the guy in the mosque and if he had anything to do with that other guy. It was so confusing. Then just the whole story is so ridiculous. K-Jo tried to deal with every issue surrounding muslims post-9/11....it was like a buffet of issues. But there were no clear solutions to any of the problems...no ways on how to move on from any of this...basically, he just re-enacted the problems. I don't want to reveal too much but let's just suffice it to say that the main storyline, the main tragedy, is almost overlooked, the whole story becomes about this ridiculous quest for "redemption" which in no way would help the real tragedy.

For those who've seen it, I do want to say one thing. Is Wilhemina a black hole? How come everyone can go there but no one can leave? Just one of the more ridiculous things shown in the movie.

Shahrukh cannot play a character the same way Tom Hanks (Forrest Gump) or Dustin Hoffman (Rainman) did. SRK is charming, he's meant for the love story roles. He's not THAT good an actor. Aamir would probably do a better job or maybe someone new, who the audience had no pre-conceived notions about. Although, I don't even get why they had to show SRK as a challenged individual. It didn't really add too much to the story.

Karan Johar should stick to rom-coms. That's what he's good at. I miss the days of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Kal Ho Na Ho. He's not meant for this serious stuff.

Personally, in this whole post-9/11 genre that Bollywood has recently created, my favorite movie is New York. It was more realistic. It presented a solution. It basically said, let's move on. Let's co-exist.

MNIK presented no real solutions. It basically said, let's go meet a real-ugly version of Obama and tell him we're not terrorists...because obviously, that will solve all the problems of this post-9/11 world.

I didn't completely hate the movie. I did enjoy a couple of scenes. The Sonya Jehan (btw, she's so pretty) part I liked. I also liked SRK's little speech at the mosque. The portrayal of muslims was ok...I wasn't overly impressed with it. In some way, I felt that K-Jo was trying to say that mentally normal muslims won't be able to make a difference or are somehow stuck in the past. That was part of the reason I didn't see how SRK's character's disability had any bearings on the story, it might have been better without it.

Anyways, all in all, I didn't have high expectations from Srk's acting and he barely exceeded those expectations but I was hoping Karan Johar had something new and insightful to say, but sadly, he didn't. He just re-enacted all the stories we have all heard post-9/11. I just don't see the point of doing that this late in the game. It's been over 8 years. We should be looking for solutions to this hate, rather than re-stating it. (I'm not even aware that it exists too much anymore, although, I do live in Canada so, luckily, not exposed to it as much) If the movie had stuck with one track, the racial profiling and dealt with how to tackle that issue, I'd have walked out much happier and satisfied. But it just ended up being a khichri of everything. And although, I'm a fan of khichri, I'm definitely not a fan of this khichri.

Vent-ilation

I don't know you guys but you've managed to seriously piss me off and shatter my faith. For this, I hate you. Really.

It has ruined the last few months. I've closed doors. I've lost faith. I've become bitter.

I need to quickly realize, the problem is you assholes and NOT me! The loss is yours, not mine. Actually, I won in a way. Still, I need to make peace with this. It needs to happen fast. There has been a lot of repercussions of your actions on me, mentally. You don't deserve soliciting even a thought from me but unfortunately, my mind wanders there.

Get out of my head, you stupid worthless jerks!

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands

Sometimes you just feel happy for someone else. A friend of a friend whom I don't know very well got engaged recently. At first, when I heard the news, I was a bit jealous and in a "why not me?" mode. But then when I saw the proof in photos and how everyone was glowing, that jealousy turned into hope and the happiness shone through. Looking through the pictures, I just felt HAPPY. Just happy for her, for her finding someone, for it working out for them. And hopeful. Hopeful about things working out for me the way they did for her, or even better than that. I may not always admit this (but most people have figured it out anyway), I would love to be committed at this point in time. Since I'm graduating next year, the sense of growing old and being single is starting to loom over my head. I have to actually grow up in less than a year and a half. Be a grown up. With a job (iA). With bills. With responsibilities. How scary! I'd never get married during school, not in a bajillion years, but post-grad, I would prefer to be married within a year or two and right now, I'd like to be in a getting-to-know-someone stage with engagement on the horizon. *sigh* You don't always get what you want, do you?

The reason I want to be committed sooner rather than later is because I'd want to be with someone around my age, whose stepped into the real world at the same time or just a few years before me. I want to be able to build a life with someone. Buy our first home together and travel and all of that. Grow with each other. Have time to ourselves before we have to go on a mad rush to procreate. Marrying someone established who is too set in their ways to compromise their way of life or their values, which could also hold true for myself in a few years, is not something I want. The younger the people are in a relationship, the easier it is to mould themselves to the other's personalities and idiosyncrasies, which will most likely lead to an easier lifetime of togetherness.

But then, I think of the whole desi way of doing things. The rishta process: the finding out about someone, the "biodata" sending, the picture exchange, the nothing happening or the moving forward. I HUGELY oppose this whole process, it pisses me off.  I'd rather meet someone through a mutual friend, get to know each other, and then involve families. After all, it's the two of us that have to lead a life together, not all these in-between people. Just thinking about having to endure the bullshit that is the rishta process makes me averse to the whole concept of marriage. Thus, currently, I have decided to only get hitched to someone I meet or am introduced to through someone, where there's a conversation before an exchange of resumes and cover letters. I'd love to say that I'd only marry someone I find myself and we fall in love and all that jazz, but the chances of finding a good-enough guy in the blackhole-like city I live in are nill...therefore, I put my faith in the hands of mutual friend-ness.

(FYI, no, there is no rishta process-type activity going on at my place...I'm generally letting out my frustrations with it AND just to clarify, rishta process or no rishta process, the decision will be entirely mine. My family won't force me into anything (just making sure EVERYONE is CLEAR on that point!) )

 Anyways, not that she'll ever read this, I do wish my friend the very best!