Everybody's got a story that can break your heart

I heard this song years ago and the lyrics just always stuck. It's by Amanda Marshall (I had to google that)

When I'm in a bad place and hear people's stories that seem worse or more challenging or heartwrenching than my current situation, or they have to do with things I never imagined those people to be going through, these are the lyrics that play in my head.

It also helps put into perspective that you're not the only one with problems and is somewhat humbling and comforting at the same time to know that just because your life is difficult to deal with, other people's isn't peachy either. We're all in this thing called life together. We're all going through it and dealing with it. It doesn't take the same course for any of us but it does guarantee that there will be hurdles for all of us. These hurdles, when discussed with other people, may not seem as big a deal to them as they are to you but they're causing you pain or discomfort, so they are a big deal for you.

People always say, you think you have problems, what about the kids in Africa or wherever, who're starving and such. Before, I used to feel like ya, that's true, I do have it better than most people. Now, after someone explained it to me, I've realized that Allah has different tests for everyone. The test for those kids is how to deal with the hunger and provide for their family. My test would be completely different from that but equally as challenging for me. It's always said that Allah mian doesn't put you through anything He doesn't believe you can survive. It's how you handle that situation is what the test is.

I hope we all have the strength to survive all these tests and situations to the best of our abilities.

T - 7 hours

My room's a mess, the song playing on iTunes is "hum toh bhaee jaisay hain" from Veer Zaara, which seems to aptly predict that my room will remain a mess till I get back.

I just hope my mother doesn't try to clean up whilst I am away. Wednesday's a national holiday and if she's bored, my room's in trouble and I have a very organized mess that only I can sort through.

Sometimes a mother trying to fix things is exactly what the doctor did NOT order. I hope she's busy on Wednesday.

But I should try and at least clean it up a little bit before I sleep.

Weird

I'm in such a weird place right now...and I'm not sure why.

Other than the usual "I hate school", "when will this degree from hell end" and "why did I ever think applying to this faculty was a good idea," I'm not sure what is really wrong with me.

I'm just bored or annoyed or tired. I'm not sure.

Maybe it's cause I've been replaced...but I only figured that out today...so why was I piss-y yesterday?

So many questions, the answers should come from within, but I can't find them.

Maybe my trip this week will help clear things up. It kinda did last time, but not really. Trips have always been hard for me. I love escaping away from this city but then a) I don't want to come back and b) when I do come back, I'm all out of place, mentally.

At least, right now I know life's a bitch and school sucks and everything is just plain old boring and annoying, but when I come back, I'll have had a taste of something different that I'll actually like and then this place will be even more boring, sucky and annoying. And re-adjusting to this mess will take time. And I have a HUGE midterm next week that I don't really have time to re-adjust. And I'm also not the kind of person that just closes off emotionally to study and such. I need to be in the right mindset to focus on school.

This week will not be the best despite the escape and I can just feel it.

I want to see either the MJ movie or Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahani when I'm away. I just want to see MJ cause everyone else is and it's a limited opportunity, I really don't have much emotional attachment to him or his music. But Ajab Prem I actually am looking forward to. I saw Wake up Sid recently, and fell for Ranbir. He is exactly the kind of desi boy I'd be into, physically. Tall, lanky but not, not too hairy but not a hairless mole rat either. Just perfect.

Anyways, I should go sleep. School in the morning *sigh*

Thank you Meera

For entertaining the masses, providing comic relief to stressed out students and generally being yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ClBM2HHG5M

I've enjoyed watching your recent shenanigans. They do help keep me sane while doing all this studying and stuff. They also help the people of Pakistan escape from their fear-ridden, unpredictable lives into your hilarious existence.

P.S. Tapu Javeri's attempt at controlling his laughter, while texting someone, undoubtedly, about Meera's shenanigans was entertaining. In the end, he did give up though..and even tried to correct the poor woman. She just can't be helped. Bechari

V.

"Remember, remember
The fifth of November"

Today is Guy Fawke's Day. Personally, I have no attachments to this day nor did I know what it was about until a couple of years ago (I'm still not really sure).
But my fascination with this day and that rhyme comes from the movie V for Vendetta. One of my favorites.
When will I have time to go re-watch movies I love?

All this school stuff needs to end soon!

Wish upon a falling star

I still wish things had gone in a different direction...not sure if it would have been better or worse for me, but at least, it would have been different. I need change, this monotony is killing me.

I also wish Allah mian will make everything alright and everything that is happening is for the best. In the end, things will iA work out in my favour and the way I want them to. Maybe if I tell myself that enough, it will actually happen. Like SRK said in Om Shanti Om repeatedly (don't ask me why I'm quoting this), "kehtay hain agar kissi cheez ko dil say chaho toh saari kayinaat ussay tumsay milanay ki koshish main lag jaati hai" or in other words, If you want it badly enough, the universe will make it happen.

I wish, wish upon a falling star!

I desperately want to...

- curl up on the sofa and re-watch movies all night long. Movies like Kal ho na ho, Rock on, Jab we met, Jaanue tu ya jaane na, Sleepless in Seattle, The Wedding Singer, A Walk to Remember, You've Got Mail etc. Anything sweet, sappy and invoking the urge to cry or sob, preferably

- be quarantined to my room with a fever...as morbid as that sounds. But the reason behind it is that I desperately need to clean my room and I don't want to go to work tomorrow and I also need extra studying time

- go back to easier times

- go see my high school friends and some university friends

- not live in this place or study at this University

- live on my own in a city I enjoy with nicer, friendlier people

- figure out if I'm going to be going to Pakistan next summer or not. With everything going on in that country, I am willing to not be a part of something I have been waiting for for years, just because my life is more precious...even though, I could be hit by a bus in Canada tomorrow. But I still don't feel comfortable putting myself in a potentially dangerous situation.

- figure out life in general

- have things work out in my favor and the way I want them to...just once even

- not go to the concert tomorrow but secretly, I hope I am pleasantly surprised since I have low expectations

- do well this semester and year

- stop caring about everything and everyone. I'm pretty much halfway there. or more than halfway even.

- have someone to bitch to without having to hear their opinions

- have friends who celebrate Halloween with as much zest as the goras. I want to dress up and go to a Halloween party. Might wear some kinda head gear to work, if I can find anything.

- travel

- have richer friends who're willing to traipse the world with me

- have a little more freedom

- have an exciting, fulfilling career

- know what life has in store for me so I can prepare for it

- graduate

- go to grad school in a fabulous city, make fabulous friends, live a fabulous life

- not study this weekend or next week. A midterm on Monday and a final on Friday and this Saturday's a write-off.

- go shopping for boots

- stop caring about money

- eat Denny's or McDonald's or anything artery-clogging right now

- go to New York for New Year's Eve and watch the ball drop in Times Square

- meet and befriend genuine people

- undo damage done  by others to others that ended up affecting me the most

- shop at Ross in California

- go to Europe, specifically Paris, Venice, Rome, London

- enjoy life more

- buy Pakistani designer clothes

- hear Ali Azmat sing live/unplugged (preferably to me :P)

- buy more designer purses

- own a sweet car

- cook

- learn how to belly dance just coz

- learn Arabic

- go to Dubai

- attend an awards show, Academy Awards, Filmfare, Lux Style...I'll be fine with any

- be an entertainment journalist

- own a restaurant

- switch back to Engineering or Sciences

- know if the decisions made have been for the best

- see the fruits of being a good girl

- eat French fries, preferably from Jinnah Super in Islamabad

- go to Freddy's in Lahore

- live in San Francisco

and finally, not be unproductively trying to study at this hour