MFOD #2, 3, 4

I've been through many episodes of MFOD in the past few months.

#2) Iktara from Wake up Sid
What a song!!

Main to kisiki hokay yeh bhi na jaani

Ruth hai ye do pal ki ya rahay gi sadaa

#3) Pankho ko from Rocket Singh
The presence of Ranbir Kapoor just makes everything exponentially better...fell for the guitar but the song's good too! (Credit to this post. Even though I saw the movie, it wasn't until reading that post that I actually listened to the song)

Dil ki patang chalnay ko dikhati hai

Dheel to do, dekho kahan pay jaati hai

Uljhay nahi toh kaisay suljho gay

Bikhray nahi toh kaisay nikhro gay

#4) Bol na halke halke from Jhoom Baraber Jhoom
I've liked this song since the movie came out (what a crappy movie, btw!). But I didn't download it until a few months ago, I think. Today, the television was randomly on and this song was the background music for promoting Rahat Fateh Ali Khan's upcoming concerts in the US of A and I just wanted to hear the rest of it. I opened my laptop, hit play on my iTunes and now it's on repeat. Rahat Fateh Ali Khan's voice is just phenomenal! Every song of his is worth listening to a hundred times, worth an episode of MFOD.

(There's also this stupid North American desi-store commercial that has Jashn-e-Bahara from Jodhaa Akbar playing in the background...always leaves me craving for the rest of the song)

Back to the books now! Four finals next week! Kill me now!

P.S. Can't wait for the return of Coke Studio to get some authentic Pakistani music back into my life! The music scene in Pakistan has been relatively dead lately or maybe I've been relatively disinterested.

2 + 2 = 22

For the past few weeks, I've been experiencing back pain. I think it's my body's way of telling me I'm getting old. And lo and behold, today I got older!

Up until 21, all birthdays were exciting, there was anticipation towards them. 20th was kinda iffy, leaving teenage but not really..hanging in the middle. But 21 held anticipation. I was legal in USA! (not that it mattered since I'd been legal in Canada for 3 years already...and didn't really put it to any use)

22 is such an ugly number. You'd think two of the same numbers would hold some intrigue for my math-minded brain, but no such luck. I don't like them together. They lack symmetry (if they were facing each other, they'd be symmetrical) I like symmetry.

22 also holds a lot of responsibility. I've finally left teenage forever...F-O-R-E-V-E-R! Now, I've to learn to use my money wisely(which I do already anyway), drive at an appropriate speed and be less headstrong and more compromising. Be more responsible.

I'm not quite ready to let go of teenage yet though. I'm not ready to change my driving habits or be more compromising.Or to be more responsible or less stubborn. I'm not ready to let go of any of it. But I guess no one's expecting me to change overnight. All these things will come with time, I hope.

To sum up my feelings, I'll quote Joey Tribbiani from F.R.I.E.N.D.S on aging:

"Why God WHY?! We had a deal!"

Happy Birthday to me! 

Damnnn (not in the sexy way)

Damn it Damn it DAMN it DAMN IT DAAAAMMMNNNN ITTTT!!!!!!

There will be some kind of sign telling me which path to choose, right?

It better be the one that leads me to the brightest, happiest future iA.

Please Allah miyan, make sure it leads to the bestest place!

A mention of your name by someone other than me and I feel happy (consequently, are you aware I'm happy at this mention or do you choose to ignore it?) But what if you're not the one I'm meant to be with? What if I'm wasting precious time and brain activity on this "maybe" thought? And what about my other options in my head? Is one of them the one?

The one I'm meant to be with better be the best option.

And I know exactly what is breeding these thoughts....stupid desi-dom! Stupid no-one-listening-to-me! Stupid other-people's-entertainment! Stupid stress-for-no-reason-but-stress-nonetheless!

Stupid, stupid, stupid everything

A day before two HUMONGOUS midterms

Please Allah miyan, if nothing else, let my mini-vacay plans work out! (but ideally make the rest of it work out even if vacay doesn't)

SIGH! DAMN IT!

Where's my Shahraam, yo?!

In the last 72 hours, I've finished sixteen 35-minute episodes of Meri Unsuni Kahani (my untold story). It's a HumTV drama directed by Baber Javaid starring Faisal Qureshi, Aijaz Aslam, Jugan Kazim and girl-I've-never-seen-before (character name Armeen). This drama really intrigued me.

The premise is girl, Armeen, and boy, Shahraam, best friends and on-and-off admit they love each other. Shahraam is a rich boy, weird family background, no interest in his future, since it's already set, just having a good time in University. Armeen's from a upper-ish-middle class family, a bit liberal and into family values. Enter Amar, Armeen's family friend, their new classmate, her parents' (secret) choice for her. Amar is a bit older than them and kinda uncle-ish but a perfect gentleman. Both Amar and Shahraam propose to Armeen around the same time.

Herein lies the dilemma I had always wondered about. If you had a best friend you were in love with and a perfect guy, who would you choose? Is love enough to conquer all of life's other obstacles? Is security and stability more important? Would you be able to fall in love with security or would you want to take the love you have and find financial security together?

I'm not a huge believer in love pre-marriage, as I've stated before. I have this weird belief that love requires co-habitation.  You can like someone before marriage and be compatible but living with that person is a different story altogether. So I'm not sure if I'd actually "fall in love" with a friend to be facing this dilemma. But I've never thought that love is the solution to all problems either. Financial security is very important in the times we live in. Love can't feed your stomachs.

Obviously, in the drama, they've shown that love is more important. But they have to sensationalize the whole issue...or else no one would watch. I'm not saying I don't believe in love. Of course I do. I am a girl afterall. A hopeless romantic underneath this practical facade; waiting for her Shahraam to come rescue her from her rut.

But I'm realistic too. I can't forever wait for Shahraam, he may never come. I have to keep my options open. Let the Amars of the world in too. I do think that even if you married for safety and security as opposed to love, the love will come. There will come a magical moment where love will dawn on your relationship. You'll grow to love this person as long as there is mutual trust and respect.

In all honesty, between my best friend and my parents' perfect choice, I'm not sure who I'd pick.

So, for now, to leaving my options open (while secretly waiting for my Shahraam)...

P.S. Isn't it weird that in desi entertainment it's always " I have to marry you" versus gora entertainment's "I have to be with you" Makes you wonder about the differences in societies

The disappointment that is MNIK

 I went to A LOT of trouble to go see My Name is Khan. Trying to plan the day, the showtime, the transport, while dealing with the worst academic week I've had since the beginning of University (1 final, 2 midterms, 1 seminar, 1 lab, 2 assignments). Come Friday the 12th, I was running on about an hour of sleep the night before with people to pick up and a long drive to the theatre to look forward to. Since the regular theatre that plays movies in this city decided to be a douche and not play this movie, I had to drive a half hour to get to the crappy theatre. Except it ended up taking about an hour to get there because there had been an accident and there was lots of traffic. So we got to the theatre about ten minutes late. Some stupid, effing girl working at the theatre told us the shows for the rest of the night had been sold out. So we decided to buy tickets to any movie and sneak into ours. Except the theatre guy watched us like a hawk. We wasted a half hour in another theatre waiting for him to leave. He finally did, we finally went in and lo and behold, the theatre was half empty! Stupid idiot of a girl!

Anyways, we missed the first 45 minutes (probably less) but it wasn't a total loss, the story was just beginning. I doubt we missed much. Up until intermission, the movie was pretty decent. I was looking forward to what would happen after. And then the movie began again and OMG! What a crappy movie! We pretty much laughed through most of the 2nd half. First, there was about a million desi, muslim characters that none of us could keep straight. We couldn't figure out if the shopkeeper was the same as the guy in the mosque and if he had anything to do with that other guy. It was so confusing. Then just the whole story is so ridiculous. K-Jo tried to deal with every issue surrounding muslims post-9/11....it was like a buffet of issues. But there were no clear solutions to any of the problems...no ways on how to move on from any of this...basically, he just re-enacted the problems. I don't want to reveal too much but let's just suffice it to say that the main storyline, the main tragedy, is almost overlooked, the whole story becomes about this ridiculous quest for "redemption" which in no way would help the real tragedy.

For those who've seen it, I do want to say one thing. Is Wilhemina a black hole? How come everyone can go there but no one can leave? Just one of the more ridiculous things shown in the movie.

Shahrukh cannot play a character the same way Tom Hanks (Forrest Gump) or Dustin Hoffman (Rainman) did. SRK is charming, he's meant for the love story roles. He's not THAT good an actor. Aamir would probably do a better job or maybe someone new, who the audience had no pre-conceived notions about. Although, I don't even get why they had to show SRK as a challenged individual. It didn't really add too much to the story.

Karan Johar should stick to rom-coms. That's what he's good at. I miss the days of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Kal Ho Na Ho. He's not meant for this serious stuff.

Personally, in this whole post-9/11 genre that Bollywood has recently created, my favorite movie is New York. It was more realistic. It presented a solution. It basically said, let's move on. Let's co-exist.

MNIK presented no real solutions. It basically said, let's go meet a real-ugly version of Obama and tell him we're not terrorists...because obviously, that will solve all the problems of this post-9/11 world.

I didn't completely hate the movie. I did enjoy a couple of scenes. The Sonya Jehan (btw, she's so pretty) part I liked. I also liked SRK's little speech at the mosque. The portrayal of muslims was ok...I wasn't overly impressed with it. In some way, I felt that K-Jo was trying to say that mentally normal muslims won't be able to make a difference or are somehow stuck in the past. That was part of the reason I didn't see how SRK's character's disability had any bearings on the story, it might have been better without it.

Anyways, all in all, I didn't have high expectations from Srk's acting and he barely exceeded those expectations but I was hoping Karan Johar had something new and insightful to say, but sadly, he didn't. He just re-enacted all the stories we have all heard post-9/11. I just don't see the point of doing that this late in the game. It's been over 8 years. We should be looking for solutions to this hate, rather than re-stating it. (I'm not even aware that it exists too much anymore, although, I do live in Canada so, luckily, not exposed to it as much) If the movie had stuck with one track, the racial profiling and dealt with how to tackle that issue, I'd have walked out much happier and satisfied. But it just ended up being a khichri of everything. And although, I'm a fan of khichri, I'm definitely not a fan of this khichri.

Vent-ilation

I don't know you guys but you've managed to seriously piss me off and shatter my faith. For this, I hate you. Really.

It has ruined the last few months. I've closed doors. I've lost faith. I've become bitter.

I need to quickly realize, the problem is you assholes and NOT me! The loss is yours, not mine. Actually, I won in a way. Still, I need to make peace with this. It needs to happen fast. There has been a lot of repercussions of your actions on me, mentally. You don't deserve soliciting even a thought from me but unfortunately, my mind wanders there.

Get out of my head, you stupid worthless jerks!

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands

Sometimes you just feel happy for someone else. A friend of a friend whom I don't know very well got engaged recently. At first, when I heard the news, I was a bit jealous and in a "why not me?" mode. But then when I saw the proof in photos and how everyone was glowing, that jealousy turned into hope and the happiness shone through. Looking through the pictures, I just felt HAPPY. Just happy for her, for her finding someone, for it working out for them. And hopeful. Hopeful about things working out for me the way they did for her, or even better than that. I may not always admit this (but most people have figured it out anyway), I would love to be committed at this point in time. Since I'm graduating next year, the sense of growing old and being single is starting to loom over my head. I have to actually grow up in less than a year and a half. Be a grown up. With a job (iA). With bills. With responsibilities. How scary! I'd never get married during school, not in a bajillion years, but post-grad, I would prefer to be married within a year or two and right now, I'd like to be in a getting-to-know-someone stage with engagement on the horizon. *sigh* You don't always get what you want, do you?

The reason I want to be committed sooner rather than later is because I'd want to be with someone around my age, whose stepped into the real world at the same time or just a few years before me. I want to be able to build a life with someone. Buy our first home together and travel and all of that. Grow with each other. Have time to ourselves before we have to go on a mad rush to procreate. Marrying someone established who is too set in their ways to compromise their way of life or their values, which could also hold true for myself in a few years, is not something I want. The younger the people are in a relationship, the easier it is to mould themselves to the other's personalities and idiosyncrasies, which will most likely lead to an easier lifetime of togetherness.

But then, I think of the whole desi way of doing things. The rishta process: the finding out about someone, the "biodata" sending, the picture exchange, the nothing happening or the moving forward. I HUGELY oppose this whole process, it pisses me off.  I'd rather meet someone through a mutual friend, get to know each other, and then involve families. After all, it's the two of us that have to lead a life together, not all these in-between people. Just thinking about having to endure the bullshit that is the rishta process makes me averse to the whole concept of marriage. Thus, currently, I have decided to only get hitched to someone I meet or am introduced to through someone, where there's a conversation before an exchange of resumes and cover letters. I'd love to say that I'd only marry someone I find myself and we fall in love and all that jazz, but the chances of finding a good-enough guy in the blackhole-like city I live in are nill...therefore, I put my faith in the hands of mutual friend-ness.

(FYI, no, there is no rishta process-type activity going on at my place...I'm generally letting out my frustrations with it AND just to clarify, rishta process or no rishta process, the decision will be entirely mine. My family won't force me into anything (just making sure EVERYONE is CLEAR on that point!) )

 Anyways, not that she'll ever read this, I do wish my friend the very best!

Adorable

Talking to a friend getting married in the summer right after I'd had a conversation with his fiance (whom I haven't met yet)

Me: I really like her, she's nice
Him: Nice? She's the best!

Awwwww

I find it adorable when guys are able to express their feelings openly for someone they're involved with to someone else.

Aal izz Well, Thanks to Oprah

"Aal izz well" -This is what was whispering on everyone's lips when 3 Idiots ended. I watched this movie twice in theaters in about 24 hours. At a theater much inconvenient to get to. In pretty much packed houses. Just read today that it broke all kinds of records, or is about to do so anyway.

Random tidbit: Did you know Idiot is supposed to stand for "I'll Do It on my Own Terms" in regards to this movie?

I love Aamir Khan...I absolutely adore him. I call him the "Tom Hanks of Bollywood" Both are fantastic actors and I love them purely on the merit of their acting. I was also anxiously waiting for this movie. I downloaded the soundtrack as soon as it came out, I avoided seeing trailers or reading facebook statuses post-release and I even made sure NO ONE discussed it at a dawat I went to where everyone but me had seen it (I didn't get to see it opening day because I was in Vegas).

But what did I think of the movie, you ask? I was not wowed by it. Usually, in the last 2-3 years, I walk out of Aamir Khan movies completely in awe. I loved Ghajini, I loved Taare Zameen Par more but my all-time favorite is Rang de Basanti. Fanaa was meh and I never saw Mangal Pandey. I did not walk out of 3 Idiots completely in awe. Although, I have been thinking about all that was discussed in the movie. I think the reason I wasn't completely bowled over is because the hard-hitting subjects that were dealt with in the movie came out cushioned by all the comedy that accompanied them. It reduced the impact of the core message...which is a very very important message. Actually, there were more like 2 messages that were addressed: (SPOILER ALERT - Do not read past this point if you haven't seen the movie - unless you don't care about knowing the story)
1. Suicide rate amongst students in India (I'm guessing it can be stretched to the subcontinent and include Pakistan, possibly even China since they put similar stresses on their students)
2. Seek knowledge, not a degree or a position/rank.

"Parhai karnay kay liye fees nahi chahiye, uniform chahiye."
That is what Aamir's character told a boy working in the boys' hostel of the college. Just buy the uniform and go sit in a class. He himself would constantly get kicked out of his classes and go sit in other classes to learn.

"Seek excellence, success will follow"
In the end of the movie, Aamir had no degree but he had gained the knowledge and strived for excellence and was more successful than anyone else in his class/batch. Technically, no one in the world could have traced a formal education back to him if they did a background check on him but he had the knowledge and the person he went to school for had the degree but no expertise (Basically, he was poor and smart and went to school in place of his master's son...which was fine because he loved learning)

The movie also stressed the amount of importance grades and class ranks are given in education and how they make students strive for the wrong thing. Parents and teachers want children to come in first place or get first division. "It's a race and my kid has to win" is the thought most parents have. It's true. My parents are the same. Thankfully, they've let me be since I started university but I haven't disappointed. But personally, I used to place A LOT of emphasis on my grades just because of the way I was raised. The only thing I would constantly whine about(and still do from time to time) is school and grades. It's just how I am.

I've changed my thinking a lot though..but the movie had nothing to do with it. I was inspired by an Oprah episode on, wait for it, CHEATING that I saw in my 1st year of Pharmacy, I think, or maybe beginning of 2nd year. Anyways, it was about men cheating on their wives. Basically, it resulted in me not caring about my grades anymore. I'm in a professional program, I just need to pass. Grades make no difference, I'll get the same job as other people iA. Most of what I learn, I learn it through work anyways, not school. I just use what I learn in school to strengthen my skills and knowledge at work.
Desis put so much emphasis on education and how a good education leads to a good, educated spouse so you can have nice, educated children and then you can also have lots of money because of your education. But all of this goes down the drain as soon as your spouse cheats on you. The man(since the episode was about cheating men) you've been married to, have children with, shared a life and a bed with for X number of years (and usually X was a number over at least 5 or 10) suddenly is not the person you thought he was. He's a lying, cheating low-life who has no respect for you or the life you share together and decides to periodically get-it-on with someone because he's bored or whatever. (Interesting fact: Over 80%(I'm pretty sure) of men say the women they are cheating with is less attractive than their wife) What will you have to fall back on now? I mean, yes, as a woman, a good education leading to a secure job is essential these days, not only because most households need to be two-income households to fulfill increasing demands accompanied by rising prices but also because, women need to be able to sustain themselves and their children if their marriage goes down the crapper. This made me realize that enjoy the time you have pre-marriage. Who knows who you'll end up with and what direction that relationship will take? At least, while you're living at home with your parents, you can lead a less-stressed out life by focusing less on your grades and school and more on the fun, fleeting moments of life, especially those spent with friends and family. University will only happen once. Enjoy your time. It will never come back. This is the way I started thinking once I saw that episode (I agree, my mind is weird and connects odd things together but it all makes sense up here, people, it all makes sense!)

Maybe that's why the movie didn't have the same impact on me that it did on my brother, for example. He was completely in love with it; he even took his non-desi friend to see it again a few days after (his friend loved it too).My brother is at a point in his life where he has just started caring about his grades (he breezed through high school, I didn't, so serves him right to stress now), education and future. I'm past that stage. I'm in a professional program. I have the liberty to not stress anymore. And I don't like to stress anymore.

Maybe that's why I wasn't in awe walking out of 3 Idiots because everything Aamir Khan was trying to convey, I already self-learnt (and apply) through an Oprah episode!

Maybe one day I'll tell you

 Today has been super interesting. It might be a defining day. My thoughts on a certain subject might be changed forever.

I also went to the movies, and sat in 3 different movies for varying times: Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (saw a couple of Heath Ledger scenes which was enough to make me happy) for 10 minutes, Daybreakers for 20 minutes(gross! and seemed stupid) and Leap Year (all of it!)

We got out of Daybreakers(the movie we bought the ticket for) ten  minutes after the half hour cut-off to switch movies and the guy wouldn't let us switch...so we were trying to figure out which movie to sneak into anyway(we did have a ticket) when the nice desi, Muslim manager let us switch! He saved the night so woo-hoo for him!

Leap Year was alright...nothing special. I really wanted to see The Princess and the Frog but that didn't happen. Oh well, an experience nonetheless...and got to spend time with an old friend after quite a while.

So different movie experience aside, the night-in post-movie has been really interesting. It MIGHT have implications on some decisions on what routes to take I had been mulling over recently. I shouldn't get ahead of myself though. I tend to do that sometimes as much as I try not to.

So, note to self: Stop thinking about this and immerse yourself in notes...this semseter is going to suck!

Out with the old, in with the new!

 What I did in 2009:

1. I survived the worst year of my Pharmacy education...not with flying colors, but survived nonetheless (not that I aimed to excel with flying colors)

2. I didn't go anywhere in the summer. For the past 6 summers, I had always ended up in USA if not Pakistan.

3. I did end up going to USA towards the end of the year, so I still  haven't broken my "I go to the US once a year" thing..yay!

4. In accordance with 3, awesome family trip to Las Vegas! I always wanted to do Vegas for my 21st Birthday...didn't happen but at least I got to go while I was 21. (I have no idea why I was more excited turning 21 than 18, the legal Canadian age...probably because I know I won't do anything in Canada but might end up taking advantage of my American legal-ness with cousins etc) Also, first family trip in ages where we weren't going to visit other family. So weird not having someone picking us up from the airport.

5. I stuck to a job for a year and a half. Longest job ever! In the past, I've always been very non-chalant about work...probably because it's been stupid high-school type positions, working  as a cashier for a summer, for example. This time it was my first Pharmacy job and lo and behold, I didn't get bored of it! Even towards the end, I only switched jobs because I wanted a different experience (while it's still safe to job-hop...can't be doing this post-graduation)

6. I learnt a HELL OF A LOT about myself and my satisfaction with solitude. I can survive on my own. I don't need anyone. It is totally possible. I love knowing that but I'd still like to surround myself with people, in minimal numbers.

7. I've given up on this whole "shaadi" business. I refuse to do it now. It will happen, if it's meant to, when the time is right and with a person that will fall into my lap. I refuse to search anymore.

8. I gave up on something happening next year that I had been excited about for the past couple of years. To the point, that I don't even want to go anymore. Time changes everything. And everyone. I am dreading having to go.

9. I got closer to a dream using methods I never thought I would and than it was snatched away from me. But a damned hope still lingers.  I am sick of this dream now but I still can't let it go. Not until it's completely out of my hands.

10. Another route life could have taken re-surfaced unexpectedly. I still wonder if life will ever steer itself back onto that path, I don't think it will and I don't think it'd be best for me either. But I forever wonder.

11. I discovered the world of blogging and started blogging myself. I never thought that'd happen. I always considered blogging to be for writers and people bored out of their minds or celebrities. But I find it therapeutic. Even if no one is reading. I blog for me. But I do hope that someone out there will read this, relate to it and be assured that there are others going through similar experiences. Ultimately, that is what the blogging world did for me, and this is my way of giving back.

12. I had the most confusing first half of the year emotionally. It was something I've never experienced before. But I've been through it and am hopefully stronger cause of it. I definitely learned a lot from it.

13. I started working out. This was amazing. I never knew I had it in me. I surpassed my weight loss goal *A* and even got a bit toned but haven't worked out in over a month. I need to get back on the treadmill. Not only is it physically rewarding but also keeps one sane. I also ran at speeds I never thought I could run at for time frames I thought were unachievable. I learned that I can win at a battle against myself. It's truly liberating. I can't thank the heavens enough for introducing me to this phenomenon. As a result, I've also started paying more attention to what and how much I eat. And I drink more water. All in all, one of the biggest achievements/discoveries of 2009 for me. But now, my biggest fear is gaining back the weight. *Need to get back on the treadmill, or at least, the elliptical*

14.I lived on my own for about 8-10 days in total. In a very small town. For a rotation. It would have been better if I was able to learn more during the rotation. I always wanted to work in a hospital but I learnt little about it.  I did gain an awesome reference though.

15. This was the year I was supposed to graduate in but didn't. Very sad! Especially when people I went to Junior High and High School with were graduating all around me. I hate being in a longer program! This year will be worse since people a year younger will all be graduating too *sigh*

 What I hope from 2010: 

1. Surviving this final "educational" portion of my degree. It will be an AWFUL semester. April can't come soon enough. Next (academic) year, it's rotations, stupid courses and graduation! iA

2. Going on a school trip, an overnight school trip. 5 days in Toronto and Montreal. I am SOOOOOO excited!! My parents aren't happy but sometimes you just gotta do stuff for yourself. I have been wanting to see Niagara Falls since the day I landed in Canada.

3. I'm hoping my super short trip to Pakistan will surprise me. I have little hope for this trip. I will iA make a second, slightly longer trip to Pakistan in December, just for the grandparents.

4. I crave stability in the love life department. I hope to achieve a semblance of it this year. I know it can't be forced but if it even starts heading in the right direction, I'd be content.

5. Starting a new job at an organization that may prove to be where I'll end up working post-graduation. I hope they love me and I love them iA (they do pay better than my previous jobs!)

6. April 2010 will mark the completion of our 10th year in Canada. It has been an eventful decade.

Looking forward to all that life has to offer...iA the next decade is just as interesting as the previous one!

Happy New Year Everyone! Hope everyone's year turns out to be all they hope for and more!

One-liner # 2

These lines aptly describe me and the majority of my life so far:

Khyalon main laakhon baatein yun toh keh gaya
Bola kuch na teray saamnay
Huay na beyganay
Tum hokay aur kay
Dekho tum na meray hi banay

(Translation -
In my thoughts, I said a million things to you
But remained silent in your presence)

from Tu Jaane Na - Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahani

Lyrics like these always touch a chord in my dil. Songs like Keh do jo bhi mann main aaye by Junaid Jamshed, these are the songs I identify with. Although, they are primarily sung by boys and about boys not being able to state their feelings, girls can probably identify with the sentiment more. The way things are girls expect boys to be the ones to take the initiative in asking them out or sharing their feelings. It's just sort of unnatural for the girl to be the initiator in these matters. I'm not saying girls can't, it's just not in our nature nor is it what society has programmed us to do. Girls want to be taken care of, to feel that someone is looking out for them. Somehow, a guy telling a girl what he feels for her, translates to us(=girls) thinking that he'll be there for us. If he's willing to take a risk in asking out a girl that means that he has confidence in himself (which is always quite sexy) and has faith in what can be. It also shows that he is willing to fight for her and he'll stand by her. Girls, on the other hand, can't just walk up to a guy and say, "hey, wanna go out?" I'm not even sure how a guy would react to that. I assume he'd be ecstatic but on the other hand, he could think that the right of a crucial moment in their relationship was snatched from him. It could go either way. Just like everything else in life. *sigh*

Point being, a girl harbors all these thoughts and feelings and what-if scenarios in her head unable to do anything about them, yet these songs are written/sung in a male voice. I think they are definitely more representative of what lies in a girl's heart.  At least if you're anything like me. I have a billion and one thoughts in my head about what can be and what I'd say  if I got the chance. It's just that I probably won't ever get the chance.

P.S.
In the video of this song, Ranbir Kapoor looks ABSOLUTELY yummy! I watched the video on repeat for over an hour in one go. I've been into him since  I saw Wake up Sid. He is physically perfect. He is lanky but slightly built. Tall. Nice, boy-ish looks. Perfect facial hair(in this song). Perfect amount and location of body hair(in Wake up Sid, it was all shaved/waxed off in APKGK :( ) Yes, I've done a thorough analysis of his looks and I am not ashamed to admit it (nor to share my analysis:P) If anyone finds a Pakistani replacement of him, please send him my way. I'll appreciate it.
P.P.S.
Finally, got to watch this movie after over 6 weeks of waiting (3 weeks out of which the DVD was sitting in my living room). It was alright. It's a good movie to watch if bored but the predictability of the story annoyed me. Although, the comedy is really well-done and very different compared to usual Bollywood slapsticks. Watch it for the songs and comedy (and Ranbir) if nothing else!

Random article a friend sent

My favorite part of the article:
Sometimes a marriage can be stronger if you have reservations. If your bond seems a little fragile, you take better care to preserve it.

Read more if you want to/are bored:

http://www.yourtango.com/2006135/the-odds-couple.html?page=0%2C1#ixzz0Yba8wURi

I think it's the stress talking...

Sometimes I wonder if it'd just be easier to get hitched.

Single-dom is fun...although, I've never known anything but. But I have a pretty good idea it is much more hassle-free.

But sometimes, you see other people or hear stories, of all the lovey-dovey-ness of the dating/committed/married and think to yourself, I want that...and preferably now.

I guess, it just seems easier, somehow. A very crucial part of your life figured out.

Of course, guarantees come with nothing in life...so it may or may not last or it may not be all you hoped but you stick it out anyway.

But it still seems a lot easier, or more so, there's a hope that it might bring with it a peace of mind that is currently not present.

I know, the grass is always greener on the other side.

A colleague of mine who had been dating a guy for a couple of years I think, once asked me if I was single or not. I said I was. She replied, "That's good, you're lucky. Enjoy being single. Relationships come with added responsibilities, an extra person to include in your decision-making or plans and is just a bit of a hassle."
Clearly, she seems to be in an unhappy relationship, but I don't think she was. She was just being honest.  I get what she was saying. It is added stress.

If you're Muslim or even desi, you usually give up single-dom with marriage (and by single-dom, in this case, I mean, living without the other person). Marriage brings about not only a whole other person to deal with, but a whole other family! I'm definitely part of the crowd that thinks that marriages are between two families,  not just two individuals. I'm not saying that family interference in the couple's relationship affairs are fair-game but each of you has to adjust to the family of the other person. There's an extra set of people to keep in-touch with. An extra set of people to visit. An extra set of people to add to your Facebook limited profile (just kididng) An extra set of people you have to be extra-nice to too. Plus, if you marry someone whose family values are totally different from yours, then that is even more to deal with than the already huge burden of dealing with living with a whole new, ready-made person with their own beliefs, values, ideals and mannerisms.

It's not easy. Relationships or single-dom. Each has it's shortcomings. But I guess I feel that my life would be easier in a relationship. Of course, then I think about all the added baggage I'd have to deal with and stick to single-dom, at least, until school's over. But the peace of mind, of knowing who you want to spend the rest of your life with, that's priceless. I would love to have that. To have that part of my life figured out with all the uncertainty that surrounds life anyway. But then that opens the whole can of worms of what I'm actually looking for and how will I know this person is the one. Do I even know what I want? or what I'm looking for? I mean, I've not even had a 'Mr. Maybe' this far...or a Mr. Anything. It's all just so complicated.

I've heard the two sides, marry your best friend or marry someone you kinda know and figure life out together. I still don't know which approach I'd prefer. I always think I'd prefer the best friend approach but I don't know. It doesn't really matter in the end. You may be mentally compatible and physically attracted to someone, but the little quirks that you discover while living with them might irk you to no end. Or you may not know someone that well and they'd turn out to be totally cool to live with and adjust to. That's the thing though. There is no right answer, there is no clear path. It's all so ambiguous, so hazy. The haziness kills me. I can't stand it. Uncertainty is just sucky. It breeds such unproductiveness, laziness and restlessness in me, I don't like it.

I think its the stress of the finals talking. For some reason, girls like to have conversations like these under stressful situations, to stress themselves out further. It's amazing that women still out-live men with all this pressure we put on ourselves.

Who's that?

Is it weird that every time my cousin-in-law posts pictures of her two kids, I totally don't recognize one of them? Every time I wonder, who the hell is that?  It's because my niece looks like a nephew. I have no idea why it seems that way to me...but that kid just does not look like a girl. I haven't met her yet (and maybe that's why). God help me if I ever say this in front of someone in my family, especially her dad. He'd probably feed me to lions.

The Girl Effect

I found this link to a video on Oprah's website that someone posted:
http://www.oprah.com/media/20090925-tows-girl-effect

It is about how the education of women can change the world. How women are  valuable for more than their child-bearing abilities. If people in developing countries, including and especially Pakistan, could watch and understand the concept of this video...it'd no longer be a 3rd world nation.

I've always been an advocate for education. I think Pakistan needs education to thrive. Unless that's provided to the lower classes, nothing will change. They will keep being oppressed by their (mostly uneducated) feudal lords and listen to religious opinions of the Taliban because they have NO opinions of their own. To build these opinions and bring change, education is important!

Of course, in developing countries, most people's primary concern is how and where their next meal is coming from. But, like the video shows, some kind of investment for sustenance of these people needs to be made before you can educate them. Make this investment an incentive for sending their children to school; take it away if the family is not adhering to sending their girls to school. It is an excellent concept, and it's not unattainable either.

I personally think Shehzad Roy's Zindagi Trust has done it right. It's my most favorite charity. He pays children to be in class an amount equivalent to what they would make begging on the street. He is giving them an incentive while educating them. You can't learn if you're hungry. The basic needs of people have to be met.

Education is important, educating a girl, even more so. Usually, in most cultures, women are responsible for the brought up of their children. They need to be educated to do this correctly. To raise human beings that will work for the betterment of society. Women carry the generation forward. Without them, the world would be stagnant.

I hope this video does reach people and they do get something out of it. Especially the developing world. Don't underestimate the power of a woman, especially an educated one!

I'll remember you...

I'll remember you...
...as the first guy I knew

I'll remember you...
...as the first person I crushed on

I'll remember you...
...as the one to snap me out of my weird 3-year daze

I'll remember you...
...as the first one I was truly into

I'll remember you...
...as the one I always turn back to

I'll remember  you...
...as the one I had nothing to do with losing

I'll remember you...
...as a momentary lapse of judgement

 I'll remember you...
...all of you, forever

Eid Mubarak!! :D

I just read this somewhere and I can so relate to it.

“Our souls remain hovering in places where we once enjoyed ourselves” - Khalil Jibran (he's a genius *sigh*)

I guess it applies to Eid as well. My most favorite Eids were in Pakistan, where the entire extended family used to come over for lunch. Sleeping late on Chand raat with mehndi drying on my hands all night long, waking up at like 8 am, getting ready, the traditional visit from the neighbor aunty before 9 am, the habbar dabbar in the house (especially for Eid ul Adha because the kurbaani took place in our backyard), the ecstatic moods, the Eidi, the new clothes, the random visits by people, the kabab (a staple at everyone's house on Eid), the get-togethers, the familial encounters, the phone calls.
Most of all, I miss having 3 days off for Eid. To celebrate it in full form.

Can't believe it's been over 10 years since I've celebrated Eid this way.

Oh well, hopefully, Eid won't be too bad this time..although, I do have to go to class and I have a quiz I'm not remotely prepared for.  Wow, that's like the best Eidi ever :P

Hope yours is going better! Eid Mubarak!

One-liners

Every time I  fall for a song, I identify with or adore one specific line or part of that song. It's the part that places meaning in that song for me. It's the part I wait for every time the song starts playing.

So, I am going to start a  "One-Liner" series. I was initially thinking of compiling a list of one-liners. When I started to write the post a few days ago, I could not think of a single one-liner to off the top of my head. So, I decided to compile a list as I would listen to my favorite songs (and subsequently, my favorite parts). But that will take a lot of time. So I've decided to do a series thing. Every time I'll come across one my favorites, I'll post it.

One-liner # 1 is Iris by Goo Goo Dolls (my favorite song of all time as mentioned here):

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

It speaks volumes to me. The first part is just worded so beautifully. That's why I like it. But the italicized part is awesome. "You bleed just to know you're alive" It well-represents the monotony and stagnancy of life sometimes, the fake-ness of it all, the artificiality. It means so many different things. I'm sure everyone interprets it differently too. That's the beauty of lyrics/poetry.

To be honest though, I pretty much LOVE the lyrics of the entire song!

Atif's my most played song? Uh-oh...

My favorite song was introduced to me (formally) in January 2009. Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. I fell in love instantly..and I listened to it for hours. Whenever I get upset, I HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO listen to Iris at least once, usually it's the first song I play. It was at the top of my "Top 25 Most Played" on iTunes for months.

Just out of curiosity, I checked that list today, and Tera Honay Laga Hoon (by Atif Aslam, no less) has 50 more plays than Iris. UH-OH :O

The reason, though, is because when I fell in love with Iris, I wasn't synching my nano to my iTunes (I had a new computer, hadn't loaded my old songs onto it, didn't want to lose them on my nano). When I switched over to my ipod touch a couple of months ago, I synched it. So now, the ipod plays are counted as well and when I went into Tera Honay Laga Hoon MFOD , I was listening to that song on repeat, even on the ipod. But I'm still surprised I listened to it THAT much.

Don't worry, Iris, my mission is to  restore you to your rightful place ASAP!

(EDIT: I just realized I have an acoustic version of Iris on my playlist too(it's #3 on my top 25), and if I combine the number of plays of that and original Iris, the total is much higher than the plays for Tera Honay Laga Hoon. *phew* there's hope for me still!

P.S. It's not that I hate Atif, I don't, but he is definitely NOT worthy of the top spot)