Monday, July 20, 2009

Argh!!

Why do I give a shit?!:S

Sunday, July 19, 2009

One of those nights...

I'm having one of those nights. The one where you stay up late for no reason at all. Listening to music and overthinking every situation in your life. Well, almost every situation.

It never really helps though. All this overanalyzing and overthinking. It really is a waste of brain power. I could be cleaning or organizing...ya right, who am I kidding?

But seriously, I could be watching a movie...even a completely mindless movie. One that makes me laugh or maybe cry. Crying at movies...personally, I find it extremely therapeutic. After a long, horrible week or writing a battery of finals or just because you haven't cried in so long, crying at someone else's misfortune (when really you're letting out your own frustration) makes you feel better, lets you get out of your system whatever you need to get out and rejuvenates you for whatever horrible is to come your way after. Who needs a shrink? Just pop in the saddest DVD you have and let it all out.

Life's so weird. Correction: People are weird and they make life complicated. The things they do or don't do, say or don't say...these all have an effect on the lives of other people they come into contact with. I don't know what to make of some of these communications, or in my case, more often than not, the lack of these communications.

Communication...its the key to everything, isn't it? It's the key to the sustenance of any relationship. Relationships with your parents, siblings, cousins, friends, doctor, pharmacist, lawyer, accountant, salesperson, waitress etc all have to do with the quality of communication between the two parties. Yet, so many times, we don't say what we want to and in effect, may be ruining some of these relationships or letting them plague our lives unnecessarily. We're either saying too much or too little. Either ending something and losing someone or letting it linger on even though it provides us no benefit...what is that kind of relationship called? It could almost be called parasitic or I guess it is parasitic. Sadly, we all do it. Sometimes we just don't have the right words or we don't want to hurt someone's feelings. I'm not sure what my stance is on that. I usually like to be blunt within limits. I'm never really going to compliment you on anything I don't truly like. Unless I'm put in one of those situations where everyone around me is complimenting someone on something and my turn comes and I have to say something nice too. I don't like those situations but sometimes its unavoidable. Or if someone's really worked hard at something and their efforts need to be acknowledged (no matter what the final outcome of this hard work was)..but this kind of complimentation I can respect...it will benefit the other person and won't really cause me any discomfort. Commensalism is what it's called (I had to look it up hehe...I'm ashamed I don't remember this from Grade 7 Science). But for the most part, I only compliment when I really like. And if I really like, I will definitely compliment...and if I forget to do it right then and there, I will try to find another appropriate time or medium to compliment whatever it is I like.

Compliments...something I don't take well. I never think people are telling the truth...maybe I have trust issues. But if someone compliments me, I automatically think...what bullshit?! I know you're lying...so stop. Especially people who overly compliment...like those sweet talking girls who keep going and going...I don't buy it. You're just saying things because you need to appear like you're a nice person. It's like that scene in Mean Girls where Rachel McAdams tells this random girl that her bracelet is really cool and then when said girl leaves, turns to Lindsay Lohan and says, wow..what an ugly bracelet...and later, when Rachel compliments something Lindsay's wearing, Lindsay automatically thinks of what Rachel said about that girl. I'm Lindsay in this scene..at all times. I'm always thinking..umm...you're not telling the truth. Also, I never know what to say when someone compliments me because I'm stuck between are they telling the truth and saying nice things to me for which I love them or are they just bsing? This battle in my head leads to a very meek, very quiet, very awkward "thanks" with a nervous little smile. The only exception to this rule are clothes and accessories. When people compliment what I'm wearing...clothes, jewelry, purses...those are the compliments I welcome whole-heartedly. Maybe because I know I have not-too-bad taste in these departments. Especially accessories...those I am an expert at picking out. I also love accessories...especially purses...but that's another post altogether.

Maybe it boils down to what my state of mind is when I am receiving a compliment. Maybe if I'm already self-aware about certain things and feel confident about them, accepting a compliment comes easier. And maybe, when I'm unsure and in self-doubt about something else, those compliments seem like insults.

Anyways, like I said, I'm having one of those nights.

Welcome

Welcome and Stay tuned (I'm just as excited as you to see where this will lead me:P)