These lines aptly describe me and the majority of my life so far:
Khyalon main laakhon baatein yun toh keh gaya
Bola kuch na teray saamnay
Huay na beyganay
Tum hokay aur kay
Dekho tum na meray hi banay
(Translation -
In my thoughts, I said a million things to you
But remained silent in your presence)
from Tu Jaane Na - Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahani
Lyrics like these always touch a chord in my dil. Songs like Keh do jo bhi mann main aaye by Junaid Jamshed, these are the songs I identify with. Although, they are primarily sung by boys and about boys not being able to state their feelings, girls can probably identify with the sentiment more. The way things are girls expect boys to be the ones to take the initiative in asking them out or sharing their feelings. It's just sort of unnatural for the girl to be the initiator in these matters. I'm not saying girls can't, it's just not in our nature nor is it what society has programmed us to do. Girls want to be taken care of, to feel that someone is looking out for them. Somehow, a guy telling a girl what he feels for her, translates to us(=girls) thinking that he'll be there for us. If he's willing to take a risk in asking out a girl that means that he has confidence in himself (which is always quite sexy) and has faith in what can be. It also shows that he is willing to fight for her and he'll stand by her. Girls, on the other hand, can't just walk up to a guy and say, "hey, wanna go out?" I'm not even sure how a guy would react to that. I assume he'd be ecstatic but on the other hand, he could think that the right of a crucial moment in their relationship was snatched from him. It could go either way. Just like everything else in life. *sigh*
Point being, a girl harbors all these thoughts and feelings and what-if scenarios in her head unable to do anything about them, yet these songs are written/sung in a male voice. I think they are definitely more representative of what lies in a girl's heart. At least if you're anything like me. I have a billion and one thoughts in my head about what can be and what I'd say if I got the chance. It's just that I probably won't ever get the chance.
P.S.
In the video of this song, Ranbir Kapoor looks ABSOLUTELY yummy! I watched the video on repeat for over an hour in one go. I've been into him since I saw Wake up Sid. He is physically perfect. He is lanky but slightly built. Tall. Nice, boy-ish looks. Perfect facial hair(in this song). Perfect amount and location of body hair(in Wake up Sid, it was all shaved/waxed off in APKGK :( ) Yes, I've done a thorough analysis of his looks and I am not ashamed to admit it (nor to share my analysis:P) If anyone finds a Pakistani replacement of him, please send him my way. I'll appreciate it.
P.P.S.
Finally, got to watch this movie after over 6 weeks of waiting (3 weeks out of which the DVD was sitting in my living room). It was alright. It's a good movie to watch if bored but the predictability of the story annoyed me. Although, the comedy is really well-done and very different compared to usual Bollywood slapsticks. Watch it for the songs and comedy (and Ranbir) if nothing else!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Random article a friend sent
My favorite part of the article:
Sometimes a marriage can be stronger if you have reservations. If your bond seems a little fragile, you take better care to preserve it.
Read more if you want to/are bored:
Sometimes a marriage can be stronger if you have reservations. If your bond seems a little fragile, you take better care to preserve it.
Read more if you want to/are bored:
Sunday, December 6, 2009
I think it's the stress talking...
Sometimes I wonder if it'd just be easier to get hitched.
Single-dom is fun...although, I've never known anything but. But I have a pretty good idea it is much more hassle-free.
But sometimes, you see other people or hear stories, of all the lovey-dovey-ness of the dating/committed/married and think to yourself, I want that...and preferably now.
I guess, it just seems easier, somehow. A very crucial part of your life figured out.
Of course, guarantees come with nothing in life...so it may or may not last or it may not be all you hoped but you stick it out anyway.
But it still seems a lot easier, or more so, there's a hope that it might bring with it a peace of mind that is currently not present.
I know, the grass is always greener on the other side.
A colleague of mine who had been dating a guy for a couple of years I think, once asked me if I was single or not. I said I was. She replied, "That's good, you're lucky. Enjoy being single. Relationships come with added responsibilities, an extra person to include in your decision-making or plans and is just a bit of a hassle."
Clearly, she seems to be in an unhappy relationship, but I don't think she was. She was just being honest. I get what she was saying. It is added stress.
If you're Muslim or even desi, you usually give up single-dom with marriage (and by single-dom, in this case, I mean, living without the other person). Marriage brings about not only a whole other person to deal with, but a whole other family! I'm definitely part of the crowd that thinks that marriages are between two families, not just two individuals. I'm not saying that family interference in the couple's relationship affairs are fair-game but each of you has to adjust to the family of the other person. There's an extra set of people to keep in-touch with. An extra set of people to visit. An extra set of people to add to your Facebook limited profile (just kididng) An extra set of people you have to be extra-nice to too. Plus, if you marry someone whose family values are totally different from yours, then that is even more to deal with than the already huge burden of dealing with living with a whole new, ready-made person with their own beliefs, values, ideals and mannerisms.
It's not easy. Relationships or single-dom. Each has it's shortcomings. But I guess I feel that my life would be easier in a relationship. Of course, then I think about all the added baggage I'd have to deal with and stick to single-dom, at least, until school's over. But the peace of mind, of knowing who you want to spend the rest of your life with, that's priceless. I would love to have that. To have that part of my life figured out with all the uncertainty that surrounds life anyway. But then that opens the whole can of worms of what I'm actually looking for and how will I know this person is the one. Do I even know what I want? or what I'm looking for? I mean, I've not even had a 'Mr. Maybe' this far...or a Mr. Anything. It's all just so complicated.
I've heard the two sides, marry your best friend or marry someone you kinda know and figure life out together. I still don't know which approach I'd prefer. I always think I'd prefer the best friend approach but I don't know. It doesn't really matter in the end. You may be mentally compatible and physically attracted to someone, but the little quirks that you discover while living with them might irk you to no end. Or you may not know someone that well and they'd turn out to be totally cool to live with and adjust to. That's the thing though. There is no right answer, there is no clear path. It's all so ambiguous, so hazy. The haziness kills me. I can't stand it. Uncertainty is just sucky. It breeds such unproductiveness, laziness and restlessness in me, I don't like it.
I think its the stress of the finals talking. For some reason, girls like to have conversations like these under stressful situations, to stress themselves out further. It's amazing that women still out-live men with all this pressure we put on ourselves.
Single-dom is fun...although, I've never known anything but. But I have a pretty good idea it is much more hassle-free.
But sometimes, you see other people or hear stories, of all the lovey-dovey-ness of the dating/committed/married and think to yourself, I want that...and preferably now.
I guess, it just seems easier, somehow. A very crucial part of your life figured out.
Of course, guarantees come with nothing in life...so it may or may not last or it may not be all you hoped but you stick it out anyway.
But it still seems a lot easier, or more so, there's a hope that it might bring with it a peace of mind that is currently not present.
I know, the grass is always greener on the other side.
A colleague of mine who had been dating a guy for a couple of years I think, once asked me if I was single or not. I said I was. She replied, "That's good, you're lucky. Enjoy being single. Relationships come with added responsibilities, an extra person to include in your decision-making or plans and is just a bit of a hassle."
Clearly, she seems to be in an unhappy relationship, but I don't think she was. She was just being honest. I get what she was saying. It is added stress.
If you're Muslim or even desi, you usually give up single-dom with marriage (and by single-dom, in this case, I mean, living without the other person). Marriage brings about not only a whole other person to deal with, but a whole other family! I'm definitely part of the crowd that thinks that marriages are between two families, not just two individuals. I'm not saying that family interference in the couple's relationship affairs are fair-game but each of you has to adjust to the family of the other person. There's an extra set of people to keep in-touch with. An extra set of people to visit. An extra set of people to add to your Facebook limited profile (just kididng) An extra set of people you have to be extra-nice to too. Plus, if you marry someone whose family values are totally different from yours, then that is even more to deal with than the already huge burden of dealing with living with a whole new, ready-made person with their own beliefs, values, ideals and mannerisms.
It's not easy. Relationships or single-dom. Each has it's shortcomings. But I guess I feel that my life would be easier in a relationship. Of course, then I think about all the added baggage I'd have to deal with and stick to single-dom, at least, until school's over. But the peace of mind, of knowing who you want to spend the rest of your life with, that's priceless. I would love to have that. To have that part of my life figured out with all the uncertainty that surrounds life anyway. But then that opens the whole can of worms of what I'm actually looking for and how will I know this person is the one. Do I even know what I want? or what I'm looking for? I mean, I've not even had a 'Mr. Maybe' this far...or a Mr. Anything. It's all just so complicated.
I've heard the two sides, marry your best friend or marry someone you kinda know and figure life out together. I still don't know which approach I'd prefer. I always think I'd prefer the best friend approach but I don't know. It doesn't really matter in the end. You may be mentally compatible and physically attracted to someone, but the little quirks that you discover while living with them might irk you to no end. Or you may not know someone that well and they'd turn out to be totally cool to live with and adjust to. That's the thing though. There is no right answer, there is no clear path. It's all so ambiguous, so hazy. The haziness kills me. I can't stand it. Uncertainty is just sucky. It breeds such unproductiveness, laziness and restlessness in me, I don't like it.
I think its the stress of the finals talking. For some reason, girls like to have conversations like these under stressful situations, to stress themselves out further. It's amazing that women still out-live men with all this pressure we put on ourselves.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Who's that?
Is it weird that every time my cousin-in-law posts pictures of her two kids, I totally don't recognize one of them? Every time I wonder, who the hell is that? It's because my niece looks like a nephew. I have no idea why it seems that way to me...but that kid just does not look like a girl. I haven't met her yet (and maybe that's why). God help me if I ever say this in front of someone in my family, especially her dad. He'd probably feed me to lions.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
The Girl Effect
I found this link to a video on Oprah's website that someone posted:
http://www.oprah.com/media/20090925-tows-girl-effect
It is about how the education of women can change the world. How women are valuable for more than their child-bearing abilities. If people in developing countries, including and especially Pakistan, could watch and understand the concept of this video...it'd no longer be a 3rd world nation.
I've always been an advocate for education. I think Pakistan needs education to thrive. Unless that's provided to the lower classes, nothing will change. They will keep being oppressed by their (mostly uneducated) feudal lords and listen to religious opinions of the Taliban because they have NO opinions of their own. To build these opinions and bring change, education is important!
Of course, in developing countries, most people's primary concern is how and where their next meal is coming from. But, like the video shows, some kind of investment for sustenance of these people needs to be made before you can educate them. Make this investment an incentive for sending their children to school; take it away if the family is not adhering to sending their girls to school. It is an excellent concept, and it's not unattainable either.
I personally think Shehzad Roy's Zindagi Trust has done it right. It's my most favorite charity. He pays children to be in class an amount equivalent to what they would make begging on the street. He is giving them an incentive while educating them. You can't learn if you're hungry. The basic needs of people have to be met.
Education is important, educating a girl, even more so. Usually, in most cultures, women are responsible for the brought up of their children. They need to be educated to do this correctly. To raise human beings that will work for the betterment of society. Women carry the generation forward. Without them, the world would be stagnant.
I hope this video does reach people and they do get something out of it. Especially the developing world. Don't underestimate the power of a woman, especially an educated one!
http://www.oprah.com/media/20090925-tows-girl-effect
It is about how the education of women can change the world. How women are valuable for more than their child-bearing abilities. If people in developing countries, including and especially Pakistan, could watch and understand the concept of this video...it'd no longer be a 3rd world nation.
I've always been an advocate for education. I think Pakistan needs education to thrive. Unless that's provided to the lower classes, nothing will change. They will keep being oppressed by their (mostly uneducated) feudal lords and listen to religious opinions of the Taliban because they have NO opinions of their own. To build these opinions and bring change, education is important!
Of course, in developing countries, most people's primary concern is how and where their next meal is coming from. But, like the video shows, some kind of investment for sustenance of these people needs to be made before you can educate them. Make this investment an incentive for sending their children to school; take it away if the family is not adhering to sending their girls to school. It is an excellent concept, and it's not unattainable either.
I personally think Shehzad Roy's Zindagi Trust has done it right. It's my most favorite charity. He pays children to be in class an amount equivalent to what they would make begging on the street. He is giving them an incentive while educating them. You can't learn if you're hungry. The basic needs of people have to be met.
Education is important, educating a girl, even more so. Usually, in most cultures, women are responsible for the brought up of their children. They need to be educated to do this correctly. To raise human beings that will work for the betterment of society. Women carry the generation forward. Without them, the world would be stagnant.
I hope this video does reach people and they do get something out of it. Especially the developing world. Don't underestimate the power of a woman, especially an educated one!
Monday, November 30, 2009
I'll remember you...
I'll remember you...
...as the first guy I knew
I'll remember you...
...as the first person I crushed on
I'll remember you...
...as the one to snap me out of my weird 3-year daze
I'll remember you...
...as the first one I was truly into
I'll remember you...
...as the one I always turn back to
I'll remember you...
...as the one I had nothing to do with losing
I'll remember you...
...as a momentary lapse of judgement
I'll remember you...
...all of you, forever
...as the first guy I knew
I'll remember you...
...as the first person I crushed on
I'll remember you...
...as the one to snap me out of my weird 3-year daze
I'll remember you...
...as the first one I was truly into
I'll remember you...
...as the one I always turn back to
I'll remember you...
...as the one I had nothing to do with losing
I'll remember you...
...as a momentary lapse of judgement
I'll remember you...
...all of you, forever
Friday, November 27, 2009
Eid Mubarak!! :D
I just read this somewhere and I can so relate to it.
“Our souls remain hovering in places where we once enjoyed ourselves” - Khalil Jibran (he's a genius *sigh*)
I guess it applies to Eid as well. My most favorite Eids were in Pakistan, where the entire extended family used to come over for lunch. Sleeping late on Chand raat with mehndi drying on my hands all night long, waking up at like 8 am, getting ready, the traditional visit from the neighbor aunty before 9 am, the habbar dabbar in the house (especially for Eid ul Adha because the kurbaani took place in our backyard), the ecstatic moods, the Eidi, the new clothes, the random visits by people, the kabab (a staple at everyone's house on Eid), the get-togethers, the familial encounters, the phone calls.
Most of all, I miss having 3 days off for Eid. To celebrate it in full form.
Can't believe it's been over 10 years since I've celebrated Eid this way.
Oh well, hopefully, Eid won't be too bad this time..although, I do have to go to class and I have a quiz I'm not remotely prepared for. Wow, that's like the best Eidi ever :P
Hope yours is going better! Eid Mubarak!
“Our souls remain hovering in places where we once enjoyed ourselves” - Khalil Jibran (he's a genius *sigh*)
I guess it applies to Eid as well. My most favorite Eids were in Pakistan, where the entire extended family used to come over for lunch. Sleeping late on Chand raat with mehndi drying on my hands all night long, waking up at like 8 am, getting ready, the traditional visit from the neighbor aunty before 9 am, the habbar dabbar in the house (especially for Eid ul Adha because the kurbaani took place in our backyard), the ecstatic moods, the Eidi, the new clothes, the random visits by people, the kabab (a staple at everyone's house on Eid), the get-togethers, the familial encounters, the phone calls.
Most of all, I miss having 3 days off for Eid. To celebrate it in full form.
Can't believe it's been over 10 years since I've celebrated Eid this way.
Oh well, hopefully, Eid won't be too bad this time..although, I do have to go to class and I have a quiz I'm not remotely prepared for. Wow, that's like the best Eidi ever :P
Hope yours is going better! Eid Mubarak!
One-liners
Every time I fall for a song, I identify with or adore one specific line or part of that song. It's the part that places meaning in that song for me. It's the part I wait for every time the song starts playing.
So, I am going to start a "One-Liner" series. I was initially thinking of compiling a list of one-liners. When I started to write the post a few days ago, I could not think of a single one-liner to off the top of my head. So, I decided to compile a list as I would listen to my favorite songs (and subsequently, my favorite parts). But that will take a lot of time. So I've decided to do a series thing. Every time I'll come across one my favorites, I'll post it.
One-liner # 1 is Iris by Goo Goo Dolls (my favorite song of all time as mentioned here):
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
It speaks volumes to me. The first part is just worded so beautifully. That's why I like it. But the italicized part is awesome. "You bleed just to know you're alive" It well-represents the monotony and stagnancy of life sometimes, the fake-ness of it all, the artificiality. It means so many different things. I'm sure everyone interprets it differently too. That's the beauty of lyrics/poetry.
To be honest though, I pretty much LOVE the lyrics of the entire song!
So, I am going to start a "One-Liner" series. I was initially thinking of compiling a list of one-liners. When I started to write the post a few days ago, I could not think of a single one-liner to off the top of my head. So, I decided to compile a list as I would listen to my favorite songs (and subsequently, my favorite parts). But that will take a lot of time. So I've decided to do a series thing. Every time I'll come across one my favorites, I'll post it.
One-liner # 1 is Iris by Goo Goo Dolls (my favorite song of all time as mentioned here):
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
It speaks volumes to me. The first part is just worded so beautifully. That's why I like it. But the italicized part is awesome. "You bleed just to know you're alive" It well-represents the monotony and stagnancy of life sometimes, the fake-ness of it all, the artificiality. It means so many different things. I'm sure everyone interprets it differently too. That's the beauty of lyrics/poetry.
To be honest though, I pretty much LOVE the lyrics of the entire song!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Atif's my most played song? Uh-oh...
My favorite song was introduced to me (formally) in January 2009. Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. I fell in love instantly..and I listened to it for hours. Whenever I get upset, I HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO listen to Iris at least once, usually it's the first song I play. It was at the top of my "Top 25 Most Played" on iTunes for months.
Just out of curiosity, I checked that list today, and Tera Honay Laga Hoon (by Atif Aslam, no less) has 50 more plays than Iris. UH-OH :O
The reason, though, is because when I fell in love with Iris, I wasn't synching my nano to my iTunes (I had a new computer, hadn't loaded my old songs onto it, didn't want to lose them on my nano). When I switched over to my ipod touch a couple of months ago, I synched it. So now, the ipod plays are counted as well and when I went into Tera Honay Laga Hoon MFOD , I was listening to that song on repeat, even on the ipod. But I'm still surprised I listened to it THAT much.
Don't worry, Iris, my mission is to restore you to your rightful place ASAP!
(EDIT: I just realized I have an acoustic version of Iris on my playlist too(it's #3 on my top 25), and if I combine the number of plays of that and original Iris, the total is much higher than the plays for Tera Honay Laga Hoon. *phew* there's hope for me still!
P.S. It's not that I hate Atif, I don't, but he is definitely NOT worthy of the top spot)
Just out of curiosity, I checked that list today, and Tera Honay Laga Hoon (by Atif Aslam, no less) has 50 more plays than Iris. UH-OH :O
The reason, though, is because when I fell in love with Iris, I wasn't synching my nano to my iTunes (I had a new computer, hadn't loaded my old songs onto it, didn't want to lose them on my nano). When I switched over to my ipod touch a couple of months ago, I synched it. So now, the ipod plays are counted as well and when I went into Tera Honay Laga Hoon MFOD , I was listening to that song on repeat, even on the ipod. But I'm still surprised I listened to it THAT much.
Don't worry, Iris, my mission is to restore you to your rightful place ASAP!
(EDIT: I just realized I have an acoustic version of Iris on my playlist too(it's #3 on my top 25), and if I combine the number of plays of that and original Iris, the total is much higher than the plays for Tera Honay Laga Hoon. *phew* there's hope for me still!
P.S. It's not that I hate Atif, I don't, but he is definitely NOT worthy of the top spot)
Hi, please get a life
Warning: Rant about school ahead...I am in the worst faculty on the planet! Probably in the universe!
So, let me tell you a story. We had a final on Monday, the 14th of December, because the Prof wanted an extra class on Dec 7th(also a Monday). There was a vote, no one wanted the class, so the final got moved to the 7th. This meant that instead of ending finals on the 14th, they would be done on the 11th, which is a Friday, which means an extra weekend. So I took the weekend before the 7th off and was mentally prepared to be done on the 11th. A friend's coming from out of town exam week so I wanted to go out for lunch or something that weekend. Also, having 3 finals in a week is beneficial for me; if there is anyone who can work well under pressure, it is ME! 3 finals in one week, watch me soar!
On Monday, we are told in class that students have informed the Professor that changing the date of the final is against University policy, but we still decided to have it on the 7th. The next day we get an email saying that the final will be moved back to the 14th because it is a violation of policy and if we wanted it moved, it had to be done weeks ago and with the written consent of every student in class.
Naturally, everyone was pissed! My entire study plan went out of whack. All my other plans got screwed too, I'm working on the 12th and now I'll have to possibly change that. Can't do that lunch either. And this is the course I was hoping to do well in, I enjoy it. I can't study on a weekend, I just can't. I don't know how I'll do good now. I'm very worried.
Anyways, point being, EVERYONE got super pissed and changed their FB statuses along the lines of "Who is the effing retard?" "Who tattled?" etc etc. People made plans based on the 11th (they're letting people who've booked tickets take the final on the 7th, provided they can show proof like a plane ticket).
I don't know who it was, really. But here's a message for them: I know you don't have plans for the weekend, or any other time in life, and you want extra study days for other exams, again, for the reason stated above. But the rest of us, we have lives, we make plans. You miserable loser, whoever you are!(we don't know who it is, I have a suspicion, and sadly, he's a friend of mine..he either did it out of love or for grades...another post is required for this topic)
That's not even the worst part. We get an email today from the Assistant Dean saying that the people who tattled were in the right, it is against policy, it's not the Prof's fault, AND he's heard that people have "nasty Facebook statuses" against this person which is considered BULLYING (mind you, no one mentioned any names in their statuses, we don't know who it is). He said, "shame on you" to the people who had these "nasty" statuses and that if he found out who these people were he would bring disciplinary action against them. YA! I KNOW!
HOW EFFING GAY IS THAT?!?!? Am I five? Am I in kindergarten? WTFFFFFFFFFFFF?!!!!!
Stop treating me like a child! This is a professional program, not pre-school. I have freedom of speech.And technically, I am not pointing any fingers, I don't know where to anyway.So how is it bullying? I haven't threatened anyone either.
And then (possibly) this same person goes and cries about the facebook statuses? I know most of my class needs to get laid, or convert to Islam and stop thinking about getting laid and focus their attentions elsewhere (makes a whole lot of sense why pre-marital sex is haram, not getting it makes people insane)
Then there's the faculty. Sending out an email about FACEBOOK STATUSES? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
I swear, these people have nothing to do. Then, they cry about having no money and jacking up our tuition/fees. But you already do nothing, why should I pay you more to send me emails about what I can and cannot say in my facebook status???
Anyways, the people who really need a life in this whole situation, are the tattlers. My faculty is too damn lazy to ever go and make sure the exam took place on the right day. They'd probably just find out the day of and then what will they do? Plus, I've heard there's loopholes around it. It's not set in stone. The Prof could just move it and not tell anyone. Which is what would have happened, if this-person-who-desperately-needs-to-get-a-life, would not have tattled.
Did you learn nothing in elementary? You don't tell on people! It's uncool. Oh right, you had no friends because you tattled throughout your school years so how would you know. It all makes sense now.
I also think the Assistant Dean needs to stop treating us like we're in elementary and this is something horrible that's happened on the playground to some kid. Tattler dug his/her own grave, now deal with it!
Wow, seriously! People in my class need a life! DESPERATELY! I wish they sold those somewhere, I'd gift it to them for Christmas.
*deep breath* rant over
So, let me tell you a story. We had a final on Monday, the 14th of December, because the Prof wanted an extra class on Dec 7th(also a Monday). There was a vote, no one wanted the class, so the final got moved to the 7th. This meant that instead of ending finals on the 14th, they would be done on the 11th, which is a Friday, which means an extra weekend. So I took the weekend before the 7th off and was mentally prepared to be done on the 11th. A friend's coming from out of town exam week so I wanted to go out for lunch or something that weekend. Also, having 3 finals in a week is beneficial for me; if there is anyone who can work well under pressure, it is ME! 3 finals in one week, watch me soar!
On Monday, we are told in class that students have informed the Professor that changing the date of the final is against University policy, but we still decided to have it on the 7th. The next day we get an email saying that the final will be moved back to the 14th because it is a violation of policy and if we wanted it moved, it had to be done weeks ago and with the written consent of every student in class.
Naturally, everyone was pissed! My entire study plan went out of whack. All my other plans got screwed too, I'm working on the 12th and now I'll have to possibly change that. Can't do that lunch either. And this is the course I was hoping to do well in, I enjoy it. I can't study on a weekend, I just can't. I don't know how I'll do good now. I'm very worried.
Anyways, point being, EVERYONE got super pissed and changed their FB statuses along the lines of "Who is the effing retard?" "Who tattled?" etc etc. People made plans based on the 11th (they're letting people who've booked tickets take the final on the 7th, provided they can show proof like a plane ticket).
I don't know who it was, really. But here's a message for them: I know you don't have plans for the weekend, or any other time in life, and you want extra study days for other exams, again, for the reason stated above. But the rest of us, we have lives, we make plans. You miserable loser, whoever you are!(we don't know who it is, I have a suspicion, and sadly, he's a friend of mine..he either did it out of love or for grades...another post is required for this topic)
That's not even the worst part. We get an email today from the Assistant Dean saying that the people who tattled were in the right, it is against policy, it's not the Prof's fault, AND he's heard that people have "nasty Facebook statuses" against this person which is considered BULLYING (mind you, no one mentioned any names in their statuses, we don't know who it is). He said, "shame on you" to the people who had these "nasty" statuses and that if he found out who these people were he would bring disciplinary action against them. YA! I KNOW!
HOW EFFING GAY IS THAT?!?!? Am I five? Am I in kindergarten? WTFFFFFFFFFFFF?!!!!!
Stop treating me like a child! This is a professional program, not pre-school. I have freedom of speech.And technically, I am not pointing any fingers, I don't know where to anyway.So how is it bullying? I haven't threatened anyone either.
And then (possibly) this same person goes and cries about the facebook statuses? I know most of my class needs to get laid, or convert to Islam and stop thinking about getting laid and focus their attentions elsewhere (makes a whole lot of sense why pre-marital sex is haram, not getting it makes people insane)
Then there's the faculty. Sending out an email about FACEBOOK STATUSES? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
I swear, these people have nothing to do. Then, they cry about having no money and jacking up our tuition/fees. But you already do nothing, why should I pay you more to send me emails about what I can and cannot say in my facebook status???
Anyways, the people who really need a life in this whole situation, are the tattlers. My faculty is too damn lazy to ever go and make sure the exam took place on the right day. They'd probably just find out the day of and then what will they do? Plus, I've heard there's loopholes around it. It's not set in stone. The Prof could just move it and not tell anyone. Which is what would have happened, if this-person-who-desperately-needs-to-get-a-life, would not have tattled.
Did you learn nothing in elementary? You don't tell on people! It's uncool. Oh right, you had no friends because you tattled throughout your school years so how would you know. It all makes sense now.
I also think the Assistant Dean needs to stop treating us like we're in elementary and this is something horrible that's happened on the playground to some kid. Tattler dug his/her own grave, now deal with it!
Wow, seriously! People in my class need a life! DESPERATELY! I wish they sold those somewhere, I'd gift it to them for Christmas.
*deep breath* rant over
Sunday, November 22, 2009
You
I don't know you. I've never really talked to you. I know little about you. But I like the idea of you. I like the idea of us. I want to find out if that idea has any merit. If we'd ever work. I want us to work...badly. But a part of me knows this might lead to regret and disappointment. At least now, the possibility of us exists. If we ended up as one and it didn't work out, then I won't have anything to fall back on, nothing to hope for.
I don't hope for much; being too hopeful or having expectations leads to disappointment. I've learned this the hard way.
But this, this idea of us, this I hope for. I've been hoping for it for a few years now.
Please, hear my thoughts.
I don't hope for much; being too hopeful or having expectations leads to disappointment. I've learned this the hard way.
But this, this idea of us, this I hope for. I've been hoping for it for a few years now.
Please, hear my thoughts.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Pet Peeves
- Arab girls and their "wallah you're tooooo cuuuteeee" and other equally irritating comments. I find Arab girls, in general, silly and annoying. Their values are weird and they think very highly of themselves . I find them to be very fake, actually, I've seen them be fake nice, turn around and bitch about that very person. (Disclaimer: does not apply to all Arab girls, DUH!)
- "Awwww" girls in general...if you're being too nice, I pretty much believe you're faking it. Grow a pair and don't like everything about everyone...you don't have to, you won't be chastised for not liking something and maybe it will make you a less dense person.
- Couples where one partner defends the other; can't stand it. I've told everyone that if I become one of those people, slap me out of it. It's cool if you're in a group and there's playful back and forth going on and you step in to defend your better half, jokingly (I still think I'd probably join in the bashing of my other half) but don't go out of your way to defend your partner, especially when you have little to do with whatever is being discussed.
- Pushovers and/or people with no opinions on matters. Voice your opinions...maybe you're thinking something no one else is.
- People driving below/at speed limit on a highway...ahead of me. I'm on the highway to blaze past everything...why are you ruining my fun?
- People who tell me what to do. I don't have a huge problem with authority, I take what my bosses say quite seriously. But people like in the MSA (Muslim Students' Association) who come up to me randomly and tell me not to pray with nail polish on cause it's wrong. What's it to you? It's between me and Allah mian. I'm just not preach-y because I don't want to be preached to either (this requires it's own post...later)
That's all I have for now, I'm sure I'll add to this list later.
- "Awwww" girls in general...if you're being too nice, I pretty much believe you're faking it. Grow a pair and don't like everything about everyone...you don't have to, you won't be chastised for not liking something and maybe it will make you a less dense person.
- Couples where one partner defends the other; can't stand it. I've told everyone that if I become one of those people, slap me out of it. It's cool if you're in a group and there's playful back and forth going on and you step in to defend your better half, jokingly (I still think I'd probably join in the bashing of my other half) but don't go out of your way to defend your partner, especially when you have little to do with whatever is being discussed.
- Pushovers and/or people with no opinions on matters. Voice your opinions...maybe you're thinking something no one else is.
- People driving below/at speed limit on a highway...ahead of me. I'm on the highway to blaze past everything...why are you ruining my fun?
- People who tell me what to do. I don't have a huge problem with authority, I take what my bosses say quite seriously. But people like in the MSA (Muslim Students' Association) who come up to me randomly and tell me not to pray with nail polish on cause it's wrong. What's it to you? It's between me and Allah mian. I'm just not preach-y because I don't want to be preached to either (this requires it's own post...later)
That's all I have for now, I'm sure I'll add to this list later.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Conversation with school
This song from 3 Idiots very nicely describes my feelings towards school right now. This semester is just refusing to end. Tuesday's midterm is going to blow chunks.
Saari umar hum
Mar mar kay jee leeyay
Aik pal toh ab humain
Jeenay do jeenay do
Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again
Kandhon ko kitabon kay bojh nay jhukhaya
Rishwat deyna toh khud papa nay sikhaya
99 percent marks lao gay toh phari
Warna charhi
Likh likh kar parha hatheli par
Alpha beta gamma ka chhala
Concentrated H2SO4 nay poora,
Poora bachpan jala daala
(This nerdy science reference makes this song for me!!:D)
Banchpan toh gaya
Jawani bhi gayee
Aik pal toh ab humein
Jeenay do jeenay do
Yes, school, aik pal toh mujhe jeenay do!:(
P.S. Downloaded the soundtrack of 3 Idiots last night...highly recommend it! Cannot wait to see Aamir Khan on the big screen again, I <3 him. Watching his movie on Christmas/Boxing Day has become a bit of a ritual, but Christmas break seems so bloody far away. Allah mian just let me survive (and do well) in all the upcoming (and past) midterms/finals, I've reached my breaking point.
Saari umar hum
Mar mar kay jee leeyay
Aik pal toh ab humain
Jeenay do jeenay do
Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again
Kandhon ko kitabon kay bojh nay jhukhaya
Rishwat deyna toh khud papa nay sikhaya
99 percent marks lao gay toh phari
Warna charhi
Likh likh kar parha hatheli par
Alpha beta gamma ka chhala
Concentrated H2SO4 nay poora,
Poora bachpan jala daala
(This nerdy science reference makes this song for me!!:D)
Banchpan toh gaya
Jawani bhi gayee
Aik pal toh ab humein
Jeenay do jeenay do
Yes, school, aik pal toh mujhe jeenay do!:(
P.S. Downloaded the soundtrack of 3 Idiots last night...highly recommend it! Cannot wait to see Aamir Khan on the big screen again, I <3 him. Watching his movie on Christmas/Boxing Day has become a bit of a ritual, but Christmas break seems so bloody far away. Allah mian just let me survive (and do well) in all the upcoming (and past) midterms/finals, I've reached my breaking point.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The results of browsing when studying is just not going to happen...
I was looking at previous entries at this blog and came across something she posted (I believe she stole it from elsewhere too..so I don't know the original source):
When it comes to love, you need not to fall but rather surrender (I <3 this completely).
Surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another.
You must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another and most importantly you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another.
I have become comfortably numb...
Yes, its a Pink Floyd song. But it also aptly explains my state of mind/being these days.
Up until a few months ago, I cared...A LOT...about everyone. It bore no fruits though. Now, I've hardened, I've stopped caring, specifically about extended family and certain friends.
It's a state I'm not accustomed to being in. Ask any of my friends, they all know I'm close to my cousins etc. I'm used to being the one everyone talks to, the one with the gossip, the one the baray/baday of the family praise for being mindful of keeping in touch, the one who remembers and wishes everyone on their birthday.
Now, I don't care, I just don't. Turns out, I was the only one making the effort to sustain those relationships anyway. It's all pretty much over now. And it brings me to tears just thinking that.
(Aside: I love when I'm in a sucky mood and my iTunes shuffles to my favorite song of all time: Iris by Goo Goo Dolls, which is what it just did :D)
It all happened because of this whole sort-of miscommunication that led to me receiving a lecture on how I should stop being so forever-ly eager to go see my cousins when no one ever wanted to come to my part of the world (who's to explain to people that NO ONE in their right mind would want to come to THIS part of the world anyway). At that point in time, I decided, aisi ki taisi, ab fack off all of you! This is what I get for being loving and caring?? Lectures on how I shouldn't care so much about seeing my family??
And since then, I've basically built a wall with a moat fully equipped with alligators/sharks/stingrays around myself (a drawbridge may or may not exist at this point). I've become absolutely hibernate as far as communicating with the fam is concerned (is that a creative way to use hibernate or just an inappropriate use of the word?) I just talk to my grandparents regularly and even that has decreased in frequency due to the amount of work school bestows on me and the whole time difference thing.
I feel that slowly I am becoming colder. I don't like it. But I can't help it either. It's just where things are headed. I mean, it does make sense, why do I have to be the one to work at all the relationships? It's a give and take thing and I'm done giving. I've pretty much had enough and now, I've taken the if you want to talk to me cool, I'll reciprocate, otherwise, screw you approach. It's not necessarily bad...probably leads to less disappointment too.
Oh well, to adjusting to this newfound numbness...
Up until a few months ago, I cared...A LOT...about everyone. It bore no fruits though. Now, I've hardened, I've stopped caring, specifically about extended family and certain friends.
It's a state I'm not accustomed to being in. Ask any of my friends, they all know I'm close to my cousins etc. I'm used to being the one everyone talks to, the one with the gossip, the one the baray/baday of the family praise for being mindful of keeping in touch, the one who remembers and wishes everyone on their birthday.
Now, I don't care, I just don't. Turns out, I was the only one making the effort to sustain those relationships anyway. It's all pretty much over now. And it brings me to tears just thinking that.
(Aside: I love when I'm in a sucky mood and my iTunes shuffles to my favorite song of all time: Iris by Goo Goo Dolls, which is what it just did :D)
It all happened because of this whole sort-of miscommunication that led to me receiving a lecture on how I should stop being so forever-ly eager to go see my cousins when no one ever wanted to come to my part of the world (who's to explain to people that NO ONE in their right mind would want to come to THIS part of the world anyway). At that point in time, I decided, aisi ki taisi, ab fack off all of you! This is what I get for being loving and caring?? Lectures on how I shouldn't care so much about seeing my family??
And since then, I've basically built a wall with a moat fully equipped with alligators/sharks/stingrays around myself (a drawbridge may or may not exist at this point). I've become absolutely hibernate as far as communicating with the fam is concerned (is that a creative way to use hibernate or just an inappropriate use of the word?) I just talk to my grandparents regularly and even that has decreased in frequency due to the amount of work school bestows on me and the whole time difference thing.
I feel that slowly I am becoming colder. I don't like it. But I can't help it either. It's just where things are headed. I mean, it does make sense, why do I have to be the one to work at all the relationships? It's a give and take thing and I'm done giving. I've pretty much had enough and now, I've taken the if you want to talk to me cool, I'll reciprocate, otherwise, screw you approach. It's not necessarily bad...probably leads to less disappointment too.
Oh well, to adjusting to this newfound numbness...
Friday, November 13, 2009
The Blame Game
Why do I blame the people who fall in love for the hurt they are feeling after it's over?
Why do I not really believe in love pre-marriage? or possibly at all?
Now, my theory on the pre-marriage thing is that being muslim, we don't really get into anything physical (or aren't supposed to anyway) before marriage, and I have this firm belief that love can't blossom till the touching commences. I'm not sure where I came up with this theory, having never really loved and definitely never touched. But that is my belief.
Also, love has a LOT to do with living together, or travelling together. It's bearing the little things, like not screwing the cap back on the tube of toothpaste or leaving dirty socks lying around, that make the love stronger. These are the things that you miss when its all over.
Maybe I must love to figure this all out, but I keep myself closed off too much to get into any situation like that. Maybe that's why I blame the people who fall in love for getting hurt because I never let myself do so, so how come they let themselves? Then it's their own fault. I know it's not an ideal or realistic way to think of things and clearly, not a belief that comes from experience.
Another thing I've realized about myself is that once I respect someone, I can pretty much do anything for them. I will treat you differently once the respect has set in. I am now wondering if I am confusing respect and love.
But for now, this is the conclusion I have come to: just don't let yourself fall in love until there is an actual commitment in the works or on the horizon or has actually taken place, be it a baat pakki, an engagement, a nikah, whatever. Judge people on compatibility because the love will eventually come anyway. As long as there is an underlying trust and respect, the love is inevitable.
Just because I am speaking to friends about Khalil Jibran's "Love" at the moment, here's a few verses I like:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
The juxtaposition is brilliant and extremely true! What speaks to me is the hurt aspect of it: the pinions in the wings, the voice that will shatter dreams and the pruning. Nevertheless, an excellent representation of this confusing and complicated thing we call love!
Why do I not really believe in love pre-marriage? or possibly at all?
Now, my theory on the pre-marriage thing is that being muslim, we don't really get into anything physical (or aren't supposed to anyway) before marriage, and I have this firm belief that love can't blossom till the touching commences. I'm not sure where I came up with this theory, having never really loved and definitely never touched. But that is my belief.
Also, love has a LOT to do with living together, or travelling together. It's bearing the little things, like not screwing the cap back on the tube of toothpaste or leaving dirty socks lying around, that make the love stronger. These are the things that you miss when its all over.
Maybe I must love to figure this all out, but I keep myself closed off too much to get into any situation like that. Maybe that's why I blame the people who fall in love for getting hurt because I never let myself do so, so how come they let themselves? Then it's their own fault. I know it's not an ideal or realistic way to think of things and clearly, not a belief that comes from experience.
Another thing I've realized about myself is that once I respect someone, I can pretty much do anything for them. I will treat you differently once the respect has set in. I am now wondering if I am confusing respect and love.
But for now, this is the conclusion I have come to: just don't let yourself fall in love until there is an actual commitment in the works or on the horizon or has actually taken place, be it a baat pakki, an engagement, a nikah, whatever. Judge people on compatibility because the love will eventually come anyway. As long as there is an underlying trust and respect, the love is inevitable.
Just because I am speaking to friends about Khalil Jibran's "Love" at the moment, here's a few verses I like:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
The juxtaposition is brilliant and extremely true! What speaks to me is the hurt aspect of it: the pinions in the wings, the voice that will shatter dreams and the pruning. Nevertheless, an excellent representation of this confusing and complicated thing we call love!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Everybody's got a story that can break your heart
I heard this song years ago and the lyrics just always stuck. It's by Amanda Marshall (I had to google that)
When I'm in a bad place and hear people's stories that seem worse or more challenging or heartwrenching than my current situation, or they have to do with things I never imagined those people to be going through, these are the lyrics that play in my head.
It also helps put into perspective that you're not the only one with problems and is somewhat humbling and comforting at the same time to know that just because your life is difficult to deal with, other people's isn't peachy either. We're all in this thing called life together. We're all going through it and dealing with it. It doesn't take the same course for any of us but it does guarantee that there will be hurdles for all of us. These hurdles, when discussed with other people, may not seem as big a deal to them as they are to you but they're causing you pain or discomfort, so they are a big deal for you.
People always say, you think you have problems, what about the kids in Africa or wherever, who're starving and such. Before, I used to feel like ya, that's true, I do have it better than most people. Now, after someone explained it to me, I've realized that Allah has different tests for everyone. The test for those kids is how to deal with the hunger and provide for their family. My test would be completely different from that but equally as challenging for me. It's always said that Allah mian doesn't put you through anything He doesn't believe you can survive. It's how you handle that situation is what the test is.
I hope we all have the strength to survive all these tests and situations to the best of our abilities.
When I'm in a bad place and hear people's stories that seem worse or more challenging or heartwrenching than my current situation, or they have to do with things I never imagined those people to be going through, these are the lyrics that play in my head.
It also helps put into perspective that you're not the only one with problems and is somewhat humbling and comforting at the same time to know that just because your life is difficult to deal with, other people's isn't peachy either. We're all in this thing called life together. We're all going through it and dealing with it. It doesn't take the same course for any of us but it does guarantee that there will be hurdles for all of us. These hurdles, when discussed with other people, may not seem as big a deal to them as they are to you but they're causing you pain or discomfort, so they are a big deal for you.
People always say, you think you have problems, what about the kids in Africa or wherever, who're starving and such. Before, I used to feel like ya, that's true, I do have it better than most people. Now, after someone explained it to me, I've realized that Allah has different tests for everyone. The test for those kids is how to deal with the hunger and provide for their family. My test would be completely different from that but equally as challenging for me. It's always said that Allah mian doesn't put you through anything He doesn't believe you can survive. It's how you handle that situation is what the test is.
I hope we all have the strength to survive all these tests and situations to the best of our abilities.
Monday, November 9, 2009
T - 7 hours
My room's a mess, the song playing on iTunes is "hum toh bhaee jaisay hain" from Veer Zaara, which seems to aptly predict that my room will remain a mess till I get back.
I just hope my mother doesn't try to clean up whilst I am away. Wednesday's a national holiday and if she's bored, my room's in trouble and I have a very organized mess that only I can sort through.
Sometimes a mother trying to fix things is exactly what the doctor did NOT order. I hope she's busy on Wednesday.
But I should try and at least clean it up a little bit before I sleep.
I just hope my mother doesn't try to clean up whilst I am away. Wednesday's a national holiday and if she's bored, my room's in trouble and I have a very organized mess that only I can sort through.
Sometimes a mother trying to fix things is exactly what the doctor did NOT order. I hope she's busy on Wednesday.
But I should try and at least clean it up a little bit before I sleep.
Weird
I'm in such a weird place right now...and I'm not sure why.
Other than the usual "I hate school", "when will this degree from hell end" and "why did I ever think applying to this faculty was a good idea," I'm not sure what is really wrong with me.
I'm just bored or annoyed or tired. I'm not sure.
Maybe it's cause I've been replaced...but I only figured that out today...so why was I piss-y yesterday?
So many questions, the answers should come from within, but I can't find them.
Maybe my trip this week will help clear things up. It kinda did last time, but not really. Trips have always been hard for me. I love escaping away from this city but then a) I don't want to come back and b) when I do come back, I'm all out of place, mentally.
At least, right now I know life's a bitch and school sucks and everything is just plain old boring and annoying, but when I come back, I'll have had a taste of something different that I'll actually like and then this place will be even more boring, sucky and annoying. And re-adjusting to this mess will take time. And I have a HUGE midterm next week that I don't really have time to re-adjust. And I'm also not the kind of person that just closes off emotionally to study and such. I need to be in the right mindset to focus on school.
This week will not be the best despite the escape and I can just feel it.
I want to see either the MJ movie or Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahani when I'm away. I just want to see MJ cause everyone else is and it's a limited opportunity, I really don't have much emotional attachment to him or his music. But Ajab Prem I actually am looking forward to. I saw Wake up Sid recently, and fell for Ranbir. He is exactly the kind of desi boy I'd be into, physically. Tall, lanky but not, not too hairy but not a hairless mole rat either. Just perfect.
Anyways, I should go sleep. School in the morning *sigh*
Other than the usual "I hate school", "when will this degree from hell end" and "why did I ever think applying to this faculty was a good idea," I'm not sure what is really wrong with me.
I'm just bored or annoyed or tired. I'm not sure.
Maybe it's cause I've been replaced...but I only figured that out today...so why was I piss-y yesterday?
So many questions, the answers should come from within, but I can't find them.
Maybe my trip this week will help clear things up. It kinda did last time, but not really. Trips have always been hard for me. I love escaping away from this city but then a) I don't want to come back and b) when I do come back, I'm all out of place, mentally.
At least, right now I know life's a bitch and school sucks and everything is just plain old boring and annoying, but when I come back, I'll have had a taste of something different that I'll actually like and then this place will be even more boring, sucky and annoying. And re-adjusting to this mess will take time. And I have a HUGE midterm next week that I don't really have time to re-adjust. And I'm also not the kind of person that just closes off emotionally to study and such. I need to be in the right mindset to focus on school.
This week will not be the best despite the escape and I can just feel it.
I want to see either the MJ movie or Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahani when I'm away. I just want to see MJ cause everyone else is and it's a limited opportunity, I really don't have much emotional attachment to him or his music. But Ajab Prem I actually am looking forward to. I saw Wake up Sid recently, and fell for Ranbir. He is exactly the kind of desi boy I'd be into, physically. Tall, lanky but not, not too hairy but not a hairless mole rat either. Just perfect.
Anyways, I should go sleep. School in the morning *sigh*
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thank you Meera
For entertaining the masses, providing comic relief to stressed out students and generally being yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ClBM2HHG5M
I've enjoyed watching your recent shenanigans. They do help keep me sane while doing all this studying and stuff. They also help the people of Pakistan escape from their fear-ridden, unpredictable lives into your hilarious existence.
P.S. Tapu Javeri's attempt at controlling his laughter, while texting someone, undoubtedly, about Meera's shenanigans was entertaining. In the end, he did give up though..and even tried to correct the poor woman. She just can't be helped. Bechari
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ClBM2HHG5M
I've enjoyed watching your recent shenanigans. They do help keep me sane while doing all this studying and stuff. They also help the people of Pakistan escape from their fear-ridden, unpredictable lives into your hilarious existence.
P.S. Tapu Javeri's attempt at controlling his laughter, while texting someone, undoubtedly, about Meera's shenanigans was entertaining. In the end, he did give up though..and even tried to correct the poor woman. She just can't be helped. Bechari
V.
"Remember, remember
The fifth of November"
Today is Guy Fawke's Day. Personally, I have no attachments to this day nor did I know what it was about until a couple of years ago (I'm still not really sure).
But my fascination with this day and that rhyme comes from the movie V for Vendetta. One of my favorites.
When will I have time to go re-watch movies I love?
All this school stuff needs to end soon!
The fifth of November"
Today is Guy Fawke's Day. Personally, I have no attachments to this day nor did I know what it was about until a couple of years ago (I'm still not really sure).
But my fascination with this day and that rhyme comes from the movie V for Vendetta. One of my favorites.
When will I have time to go re-watch movies I love?
All this school stuff needs to end soon!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Wish upon a falling star
I still wish things had gone in a different direction...not sure if it would have been better or worse for me, but at least, it would have been different. I need change, this monotony is killing me.
I also wish Allah mian will make everything alright and everything that is happening is for the best. In the end, things will iA work out in my favour and the way I want them to. Maybe if I tell myself that enough, it will actually happen. Like SRK said in Om Shanti Om repeatedly (don't ask me why I'm quoting this), "kehtay hain agar kissi cheez ko dil say chaho toh saari kayinaat ussay tumsay milanay ki koshish main lag jaati hai" or in other words, If you want it badly enough, the universe will make it happen.
I wish, wish upon a falling star!
I also wish Allah mian will make everything alright and everything that is happening is for the best. In the end, things will iA work out in my favour and the way I want them to. Maybe if I tell myself that enough, it will actually happen. Like SRK said in Om Shanti Om repeatedly (don't ask me why I'm quoting this), "kehtay hain agar kissi cheez ko dil say chaho toh saari kayinaat ussay tumsay milanay ki koshish main lag jaati hai" or in other words, If you want it badly enough, the universe will make it happen.
I wish, wish upon a falling star!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I desperately want to...
- curl up on the sofa and re-watch movies all night long. Movies like Kal ho na ho, Rock on, Jab we met, Jaanue tu ya jaane na, Sleepless in Seattle, The Wedding Singer, A Walk to Remember, You've Got Mail etc. Anything sweet, sappy and invoking the urge to cry or sob, preferably
- be quarantined to my room with a fever...as morbid as that sounds. But the reason behind it is that I desperately need to clean my room and I don't want to go to work tomorrow and I also need extra studying time
- go back to easier times
- go see my high school friends and some university friends
- not live in this place or study at this University
- live on my own in a city I enjoy with nicer, friendlier people
- figure out if I'm going to be going to Pakistan next summer or not. With everything going on in that country, I am willing to not be a part of something I have been waiting for for years, just because my life is more precious...even though, I could be hit by a bus in Canada tomorrow. But I still don't feel comfortable putting myself in a potentially dangerous situation.
- figure out life in general
- have things work out in my favor and the way I want them to...just once even
- not go to the concert tomorrow but secretly, I hope I am pleasantly surprised since I have low expectations
- do well this semester and year
- stop caring about everything and everyone. I'm pretty much halfway there. or more than halfway even.
- have someone to bitch to without having to hear their opinions
- have friends who celebrate Halloween with as much zest as the goras. I want to dress up and go to a Halloween party. Might wear some kinda head gear to work, if I can find anything.
- travel
- have richer friends who're willing to traipse the world with me
- have a little more freedom
- have an exciting, fulfilling career
- know what life has in store for me so I can prepare for it
- graduate
- go to grad school in a fabulous city, make fabulous friends, live a fabulous life
- not study this weekend or next week. A midterm on Monday and a final on Friday and this Saturday's a write-off.
- go shopping for boots
- stop caring about money
- eat Denny's or McDonald's or anything artery-clogging right now
- go to New York for New Year's Eve and watch the ball drop in Times Square
- meet and befriend genuine people
- undo damage done by others to others that ended up affecting me the most
- shop at Ross in California
- go to Europe, specifically Paris, Venice, Rome, London
- enjoy life more
- buy Pakistani designer clothes
- hear Ali Azmat sing live/unplugged (preferably to me :P)
- buy more designer purses
- own a sweet car
- cook
- learn how to belly dance just coz
- learn Arabic
- go to Dubai
- attend an awards show, Academy Awards, Filmfare, Lux Style...I'll be fine with any
- be an entertainment journalist
- own a restaurant
- switch back to Engineering or Sciences
- know if the decisions made have been for the best
- see the fruits of being a good girl
- eat French fries, preferably from Jinnah Super in Islamabad
- go to Freddy's in Lahore
- live in San Francisco
and finally, not be unproductively trying to study at this hour
- be quarantined to my room with a fever...as morbid as that sounds. But the reason behind it is that I desperately need to clean my room and I don't want to go to work tomorrow and I also need extra studying time
- go back to easier times
- go see my high school friends and some university friends
- not live in this place or study at this University
- live on my own in a city I enjoy with nicer, friendlier people
- figure out if I'm going to be going to Pakistan next summer or not. With everything going on in that country, I am willing to not be a part of something I have been waiting for for years, just because my life is more precious...even though, I could be hit by a bus in Canada tomorrow. But I still don't feel comfortable putting myself in a potentially dangerous situation.
- figure out life in general
- have things work out in my favor and the way I want them to...just once even
- not go to the concert tomorrow but secretly, I hope I am pleasantly surprised since I have low expectations
- do well this semester and year
- stop caring about everything and everyone. I'm pretty much halfway there. or more than halfway even.
- have someone to bitch to without having to hear their opinions
- have friends who celebrate Halloween with as much zest as the goras. I want to dress up and go to a Halloween party. Might wear some kinda head gear to work, if I can find anything.
- travel
- have richer friends who're willing to traipse the world with me
- have a little more freedom
- have an exciting, fulfilling career
- know what life has in store for me so I can prepare for it
- graduate
- go to grad school in a fabulous city, make fabulous friends, live a fabulous life
- not study this weekend or next week. A midterm on Monday and a final on Friday and this Saturday's a write-off.
- go shopping for boots
- stop caring about money
- eat Denny's or McDonald's or anything artery-clogging right now
- go to New York for New Year's Eve and watch the ball drop in Times Square
- meet and befriend genuine people
- undo damage done by others to others that ended up affecting me the most
- shop at Ross in California
- go to Europe, specifically Paris, Venice, Rome, London
- enjoy life more
- buy Pakistani designer clothes
- hear Ali Azmat sing live/unplugged (preferably to me :P)
- buy more designer purses
- own a sweet car
- cook
- learn how to belly dance just coz
- learn Arabic
- go to Dubai
- attend an awards show, Academy Awards, Filmfare, Lux Style...I'll be fine with any
- be an entertainment journalist
- own a restaurant
- switch back to Engineering or Sciences
- know if the decisions made have been for the best
- see the fruits of being a good girl
- eat French fries, preferably from Jinnah Super in Islamabad
- go to Freddy's in Lahore
- live in San Francisco
and finally, not be unproductively trying to study at this hour
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
It's that time of the semester again...
Every semester there comes a point in time where I stop giving a f***. Seriously, I don't care anymore. I start waking up late, getting ready in a casual manner, and missing a bus or two after the one that gets me there right on time. I don't care if I miss the first half hour of a 2-hr or 1.5-hr class. It doesn't mean much to me. I don't even care that at some point, I'll be too embarrassed to ask for missed notes...I don't want them either. We're mostly tested straight off the handout material and even that we usually end up teaching ourselves.
Which leads me to the hell that is my faculty. I hate my faculty...actually, abhorr's a better word. I ABHOR it. They have control over everything...all our classes, schedules, times, everything is picked for us...we don't get to choose anything...because we're a professional program. YET, they can't manage to keep it all organized and somewhat coherent. I swear to God, half the time we have no idea what lecture we have that day or what room its in. A week or so ago, we had NO CLUE where the final for one of our classes was...we all just picked the usual location(although, another class was scheduled to write their midterm in the same room) but since our Professor has the most pull in the faculty, he won the room. OMG...he was an AWFUL professor. These professors don't even have to teach, they just have to co-ordinate the course, i.e. pick experts from each topic needed to be covered and schedule them into the course time. He was unable to do that. So many classes were cancelled.. last minute...so many classes were interchanged...again, last minute. He had no clue what was going on...he just told his TA's to look after it all...who I am 100% sure had very little guidance from him.
Enough about bad professors, although he is the worst, moving onto retarded modules. What is with the module system anyway? Teaching 11 hours of one class/week for 4 weeks and expecting us to keep up and actually do well on the final which is a day after the last class? HOW HOW HOW?! I can't do it anymore. I also don't retain jack-shit. How can I? I'm only human. I also have another 6 hours/week class which is not an easy one (and its full-semester to boot) and a 3-hour/week gay gay gay class (for people who are unfamiliar with how college works, usually each course is 3 hours/week for an entire semester, ie 3 months). I personally don't hate the 3-hour class so much but it does get boring. And I'd love to take it with a little more freedom on how things are done. Piling on random shit like reflection notes (on what we learned in class; don't even think anyone reads what we write) and random assignments that no one understands what to do with, what is up with that?
So after taking all this crap from a faculty I care NOTHING about...I just stop giving a damn. Everything I learn, I learn at work anyway. That's what I need to know too. I'm in Pharmacy and technically, I should know ALL ABOUT DRUGS. That's what I thought I'd be taught and tested on...but NOOOOO. We're tested on random crap about Anatomy, Physio and even how to write a thank-you letter but NOT more than 3 questions on drugs. And God knows, I only care about the drugs. See what I mean? Why even bother? I study what I think is practical and applicable to real life practice. Being in a professional program, I don't need to care about my grades either (and trust me, I don't care)...so I just need to coast through, a little above average to satisfy my nerdiness and I'm fine. I am *alhumdolillah* competent and getting better by the day at my job. And that's what matters anyway. What the patients think is all that matters..if I keep getting more patients, I'll make more money so it doesn't matter how I write a thank-you letter, because people don't want to know that. They want to know how to take their medication and whether or not it will interact with their other medications and most importantly, when they'll get better. That's all anyone cares about most anyway...health. And I'm here to make them healthy. Not teach them the anatomy and physiology or letter-writing skills my faculty seems to focus on.
So yes, I don't care anymore. I need a change of scenery. I get so bored of school and this Godforesaken shit-hole place I live in..that I just want out! Even for two days!
I need to get my ass to America. I haven't been out of the country in a year now...and I always go somewhere in the summer...but didn't get a chance to this time.
I NEED to go somewhere in winter break. It's imperative.
Anyways, maybe I should study. I feel like studying something I have an exam for in two weeks as opposed to the midterm and final I have next week. The midterm is tres boring material. And mostly common sense. But I hear it's hard. *sigh* why?
I just want to graduate, start making money, buy my hot hot car (Infiniti G-37 or a used Mercedes SLK?) and Chanel purses. I'll be honest, I care about the patients, but I'm in it for the comfortable career-life and money. I just want to make enough money to sustain myself comfortably.
When will this semester end?!
P.S. If you're still confused about how the courses in my faculty work and how everything runs, don't worry...you're not alone, I don't get it either
P.P.S Excuse the mild profanity, I'm a bit p-o'd at my state of affairs and lack of determination to study
Which leads me to the hell that is my faculty. I hate my faculty...actually, abhorr's a better word. I ABHOR it. They have control over everything...all our classes, schedules, times, everything is picked for us...we don't get to choose anything...because we're a professional program. YET, they can't manage to keep it all organized and somewhat coherent. I swear to God, half the time we have no idea what lecture we have that day or what room its in. A week or so ago, we had NO CLUE where the final for one of our classes was...we all just picked the usual location(although, another class was scheduled to write their midterm in the same room) but since our Professor has the most pull in the faculty, he won the room. OMG...he was an AWFUL professor. These professors don't even have to teach, they just have to co-ordinate the course, i.e. pick experts from each topic needed to be covered and schedule them into the course time. He was unable to do that. So many classes were cancelled.. last minute...so many classes were interchanged...again, last minute. He had no clue what was going on...he just told his TA's to look after it all...who I am 100% sure had very little guidance from him.
Enough about bad professors, although he is the worst, moving onto retarded modules. What is with the module system anyway? Teaching 11 hours of one class/week for 4 weeks and expecting us to keep up and actually do well on the final which is a day after the last class? HOW HOW HOW?! I can't do it anymore. I also don't retain jack-shit. How can I? I'm only human. I also have another 6 hours/week class which is not an easy one (and its full-semester to boot) and a 3-hour/week gay gay gay class (for people who are unfamiliar with how college works, usually each course is 3 hours/week for an entire semester, ie 3 months). I personally don't hate the 3-hour class so much but it does get boring. And I'd love to take it with a little more freedom on how things are done. Piling on random shit like reflection notes (on what we learned in class; don't even think anyone reads what we write) and random assignments that no one understands what to do with, what is up with that?
So after taking all this crap from a faculty I care NOTHING about...I just stop giving a damn. Everything I learn, I learn at work anyway. That's what I need to know too. I'm in Pharmacy and technically, I should know ALL ABOUT DRUGS. That's what I thought I'd be taught and tested on...but NOOOOO. We're tested on random crap about Anatomy, Physio and even how to write a thank-you letter but NOT more than 3 questions on drugs. And God knows, I only care about the drugs. See what I mean? Why even bother? I study what I think is practical and applicable to real life practice. Being in a professional program, I don't need to care about my grades either (and trust me, I don't care)...so I just need to coast through, a little above average to satisfy my nerdiness and I'm fine. I am *alhumdolillah* competent and getting better by the day at my job. And that's what matters anyway. What the patients think is all that matters..if I keep getting more patients, I'll make more money so it doesn't matter how I write a thank-you letter, because people don't want to know that. They want to know how to take their medication and whether or not it will interact with their other medications and most importantly, when they'll get better. That's all anyone cares about most anyway...health. And I'm here to make them healthy. Not teach them the anatomy and physiology or letter-writing skills my faculty seems to focus on.
So yes, I don't care anymore. I need a change of scenery. I get so bored of school and this Godforesaken shit-hole place I live in..that I just want out! Even for two days!
I need to get my ass to America. I haven't been out of the country in a year now...and I always go somewhere in the summer...but didn't get a chance to this time.
I NEED to go somewhere in winter break. It's imperative.
Anyways, maybe I should study. I feel like studying something I have an exam for in two weeks as opposed to the midterm and final I have next week. The midterm is tres boring material. And mostly common sense. But I hear it's hard. *sigh* why?
I just want to graduate, start making money, buy my hot hot car (Infiniti G-37 or a used Mercedes SLK?) and Chanel purses. I'll be honest, I care about the patients, but I'm in it for the comfortable career-life and money. I just want to make enough money to sustain myself comfortably.
When will this semester end?!
P.S. If you're still confused about how the courses in my faculty work and how everything runs, don't worry...you're not alone, I don't get it either
P.P.S Excuse the mild profanity, I'm a bit p-o'd at my state of affairs and lack of determination to study
Monday, October 26, 2009
Saturation Point
I've reached my saturation point of listening to Tera Honay Laga Hoon after about a week of almost non-stop listening! I don't think I've heard it even once today! MFOD has left the building!
Woohoo..I'm cured
Until next time...
Woohoo..I'm cured
Until next time...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
MFOD (Musical Fickle-y Obsessive Disorder)
True to the name of my blog, I become obsessed with certain songs , listening to them over and over, mostly on repeat and for a few days. But I can't just stick to one..that's where the fickleness comes in. Eventually, I get bored and move on.
These days, I have "Tera Honay Laga Hoon" from Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahani ON REPEAT! It started on Sunday, it's Wednesday and it's still on repeat. (Well, most of the time)
I LOVE this song! I'm slightly irritated when Atif tries to sing all high-pitchy but Alisha Chinai's parts are beautiful...and as always, Atif's voice did eventually grow on me.
Take a listen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tsf7Ybkz_-s&feature=PlayList&p=A7B744EAA85948E4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=23
These days, I have "Tera Honay Laga Hoon" from Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahani ON REPEAT! It started on Sunday, it's Wednesday and it's still on repeat. (Well, most of the time)
I LOVE this song! I'm slightly irritated when Atif tries to sing all high-pitchy but Alisha Chinai's parts are beautiful...and as always, Atif's voice did eventually grow on me.
Take a listen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tsf7Ybkz_-s&feature=PlayList&p=A7B744EAA85948E4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=23
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I want to graduate NOW!
I've been in school faaaarrrr tooooooo looonnngggg. The end is nowhere in sight.
I come from a family of nerds but God, I hate school!!!!! My mother does not know what to do with herself if she doesn't have any studying to do. She has no expertise in passing time idly. I possess these expertise but I have no time! Ironic, right? Ya, life's a bitch...what can you do?
I just want to graduate and get the hell outta this school and this city! Seriously, I'm bored!
Degrees are 4-years for a reason...then they get BORING! My degree is 6 years long....this semester and a year and a half to go. Much much much too long!
I should have graduated in May this year. I wish I did! But on the flipside, if I would have graduated in my initial choice of program this year, I would have NEVER found a job! At least, I will *iA iA iA* have a secure, financially stable career once I graduate. Only positive. But at this point in time, even that doesn't cheer me up.
I WANT OUT!
On another note, WTF is going on in Pakistan?! I am seriously worried!!! I mean, bombing universities now? WHY WHY WHY!? Cause a guy and a girl were seen together....ssooooo???
The Afghani/Pathan types who are most likely behind these bombings are the dirtiest of men...they stare soooo much, at EVERY girl/woman passing by, for NO reason and yet, this is wrong. I HATE the hypocrisy of it all! I wonder if the two were even a couple or not.
Also, the sacrificing of others education because of these bombings, what kind of country is this? It is RIDICULOUS that people need to be scared to go get an education. Didn't Allah mian tell us to gain knowledge even if we had to go to China to do so? (Because in olden days, China was considered really far from Saudi Arabia...not because Muslims have something against the Chinese lol) That oft-quoted statement is ignored while some completely extremist interpretation of some verse that probably doesn't even come close to delivering the sentiments of the interpretation is given precedence? (I don't quite remember what verse the extremists refer to...but I'm sure their interpretation is off by miles)
Extremists piss me off! Taliban pisses me off! Anything hindering people's education and pursuit for knowledge pisses me off!
BUT, despite my pro-education stance, I still want to graduate NOW! :(
I come from a family of nerds but God, I hate school!!!!! My mother does not know what to do with herself if she doesn't have any studying to do. She has no expertise in passing time idly. I possess these expertise but I have no time! Ironic, right? Ya, life's a bitch...what can you do?
I just want to graduate and get the hell outta this school and this city! Seriously, I'm bored!
Degrees are 4-years for a reason...then they get BORING! My degree is 6 years long....this semester and a year and a half to go. Much much much too long!
I should have graduated in May this year. I wish I did! But on the flipside, if I would have graduated in my initial choice of program this year, I would have NEVER found a job! At least, I will *iA iA iA* have a secure, financially stable career once I graduate. Only positive. But at this point in time, even that doesn't cheer me up.
I WANT OUT!
On another note, WTF is going on in Pakistan?! I am seriously worried!!! I mean, bombing universities now? WHY WHY WHY!? Cause a guy and a girl were seen together....ssooooo???
The Afghani/Pathan types who are most likely behind these bombings are the dirtiest of men...they stare soooo much, at EVERY girl/woman passing by, for NO reason and yet, this is wrong. I HATE the hypocrisy of it all! I wonder if the two were even a couple or not.
Also, the sacrificing of others education because of these bombings, what kind of country is this? It is RIDICULOUS that people need to be scared to go get an education. Didn't Allah mian tell us to gain knowledge even if we had to go to China to do so? (Because in olden days, China was considered really far from Saudi Arabia...not because Muslims have something against the Chinese lol) That oft-quoted statement is ignored while some completely extremist interpretation of some verse that probably doesn't even come close to delivering the sentiments of the interpretation is given precedence? (I don't quite remember what verse the extremists refer to...but I'm sure their interpretation is off by miles)
Extremists piss me off! Taliban pisses me off! Anything hindering people's education and pursuit for knowledge pisses me off!
BUT, despite my pro-education stance, I still want to graduate NOW! :(
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Boredom
Lately, I want things to restart in two places where nothing had really happened in the first place. The one that was barely on the still-cold burner is the one I'm more interested in, since I guess, it holds more of a mystery. I wish something, anything, would happen. Life's so dull. And boredom leads to thoughts like these.
In other news, I finally quit a job that was hanging over my head. I started working at another company without quitting the first one (since I signed no contracts, its not a huge deal to be working at more than one place without informing anyone) Its a huge burden off my shoulders...I had been delaying it all week. It was a very amicable separation of ways...I'm glad.
I hope it was a good decision. Considering how badly I had been wanting to hear back after my interview and how increasingly irritated I was becoming of things at my first job, I'm guessing it is for the better. Let's wait and watch.
I hope life is only going to get better from here on in and more interesting too. I'm bored. Very bored.
In other news, I finally quit a job that was hanging over my head. I started working at another company without quitting the first one (since I signed no contracts, its not a huge deal to be working at more than one place without informing anyone) Its a huge burden off my shoulders...I had been delaying it all week. It was a very amicable separation of ways...I'm glad.
I hope it was a good decision. Considering how badly I had been wanting to hear back after my interview and how increasingly irritated I was becoming of things at my first job, I'm guessing it is for the better. Let's wait and watch.
I hope life is only going to get better from here on in and more interesting too. I'm bored. Very bored.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Expiration date
Because I have been thinking about expiration dates on relationships lately...a quick, random post:
We had an expiration date
It may have even come too late
But it wasn't just fate
That we ended separate
:P
:P
Thoughts
Don't think of you for days on end
Think of somebody else instead
Suddenly you cross my mind
Reminding me it was past its prime
My mind retraces back to thoughts
of someone who is worth my time
Think of somebody else instead
Suddenly you cross my mind
Reminding me it was past its prime
My mind retraces back to thoughts
of someone who is worth my time
Monday, July 20, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
One of those nights...
I'm having one of those nights. The one where you stay up late for no reason at all. Listening to music and overthinking every situation in your life. Well, almost every situation.
It never really helps though. All this overanalyzing and overthinking. It really is a waste of brain power. I could be cleaning or organizing...ya right, who am I kidding?
But seriously, I could be watching a movie...even a completely mindless movie. One that makes me laugh or maybe cry. Crying at movies...personally, I find it extremely therapeutic. After a long, horrible week or writing a battery of finals or just because you haven't cried in so long, crying at someone else's misfortune (when really you're letting out your own frustration) makes you feel better, lets you get out of your system whatever you need to get out and rejuvenates you for whatever horrible is to come your way after. Who needs a shrink? Just pop in the saddest DVD you have and let it all out.
Life's so weird. Correction: People are weird and they make life complicated. The things they do or don't do, say or don't say...these all have an effect on the lives of other people they come into contact with. I don't know what to make of some of these communications, or in my case, more often than not, the lack of these communications.
Communication...its the key to everything, isn't it? It's the key to the sustenance of any relationship. Relationships with your parents, siblings, cousins, friends, doctor, pharmacist, lawyer, accountant, salesperson, waitress etc all have to do with the quality of communication between the two parties. Yet, so many times, we don't say what we want to and in effect, may be ruining some of these relationships or letting them plague our lives unnecessarily. We're either saying too much or too little. Either ending something and losing someone or letting it linger on even though it provides us no benefit...what is that kind of relationship called? It could almost be called parasitic or I guess it is parasitic. Sadly, we all do it. Sometimes we just don't have the right words or we don't want to hurt someone's feelings. I'm not sure what my stance is on that. I usually like to be blunt within limits. I'm never really going to compliment you on anything I don't truly like. Unless I'm put in one of those situations where everyone around me is complimenting someone on something and my turn comes and I have to say something nice too. I don't like those situations but sometimes its unavoidable. Or if someone's really worked hard at something and their efforts need to be acknowledged (no matter what the final outcome of this hard work was)..but this kind of complimentation I can respect...it will benefit the other person and won't really cause me any discomfort. Commensalism is what it's called (I had to look it up hehe...I'm ashamed I don't remember this from Grade 7 Science). But for the most part, I only compliment when I really like. And if I really like, I will definitely compliment...and if I forget to do it right then and there, I will try to find another appropriate time or medium to compliment whatever it is I like.
Compliments...something I don't take well. I never think people are telling the truth...maybe I have trust issues. But if someone compliments me, I automatically think...what bullshit?! I know you're lying...so stop. Especially people who overly compliment...like those sweet talking girls who keep going and going...I don't buy it. You're just saying things because you need to appear like you're a nice person. It's like that scene in Mean Girls where Rachel McAdams tells this random girl that her bracelet is really cool and then when said girl leaves, turns to Lindsay Lohan and says, wow..what an ugly bracelet...and later, when Rachel compliments something Lindsay's wearing, Lindsay automatically thinks of what Rachel said about that girl. I'm Lindsay in this scene..at all times. I'm always thinking..umm...you're not telling the truth. Also, I never know what to say when someone compliments me because I'm stuck between are they telling the truth and saying nice things to me for which I love them or are they just bsing? This battle in my head leads to a very meek, very quiet, very awkward "thanks" with a nervous little smile. The only exception to this rule are clothes and accessories. When people compliment what I'm wearing...clothes, jewelry, purses...those are the compliments I welcome whole-heartedly. Maybe because I know I have not-too-bad taste in these departments. Especially accessories...those I am an expert at picking out. I also love accessories...especially purses...but that's another post altogether.
Maybe it boils down to what my state of mind is when I am receiving a compliment. Maybe if I'm already self-aware about certain things and feel confident about them, accepting a compliment comes easier. And maybe, when I'm unsure and in self-doubt about something else, those compliments seem like insults.
Anyways, like I said, I'm having one of those nights.
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