The Blame Game

Why do I blame the people who fall in love for the hurt they are feeling after it's over?

Why do I not really believe in love pre-marriage? or possibly at all?

Now, my theory on the pre-marriage thing is that being muslim, we don't really get into anything physical (or aren't supposed to anyway) before marriage, and I have this firm belief that love can't blossom till the touching commences. I'm not sure where I came up with this theory, having never really loved and definitely never touched. But that is my belief.

Also, love has a LOT to do with living together, or travelling together. It's bearing the little things, like not screwing the cap back on the tube of toothpaste or leaving dirty socks lying around, that make the love stronger. These are the things that you miss when its all over.

Maybe I must love to figure this all out,  but I keep myself closed off too much to get into any situation like that. Maybe that's why I blame the people who fall in love for getting hurt because I never let myself do so, so how come they let themselves? Then it's their own fault. I know it's not an ideal or realistic way to think of things and clearly, not a belief that comes from experience.

Another thing I've realized about myself is that once I respect someone, I can pretty much do anything for them. I will treat you differently once the respect has set in. I am now wondering if I am confusing respect and love.

But for now, this is the conclusion I have come to: just don't let yourself fall in love until there is an actual commitment in the works or on the horizon or has actually taken place, be it a baat pakki, an engagement, a nikah, whatever. Judge people on compatibility because the love will eventually come anyway. As long as there is an underlying trust and respect, the love is inevitable.

Just because I am speaking to friends about Khalil Jibran's "Love" at the moment, here's a few verses I like:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

The juxtaposition is brilliant and extremely true! What speaks to me is the hurt aspect of it: the pinions in the wings, the voice that will shatter dreams and the pruning. Nevertheless, an excellent representation of this confusing and complicated thing we call love!